Fruits Basket Insaneness!
by Daisukeismyboyfriend
Summary: An extremely random, OOC fic where Akito likes Dairy Queen, Shigure is still perverted, and Kyo and Yuki sometimes don't try to kill eachother. Rated T because I can.
1. Konichiwa!

Fruits Basket INSANENESS!!!

Oh-hoh! I've read Fruits Basket now, so I can enter the fan-dom of Yuki-ness… so without further ado, here we go.

* * *

Yuki: Sing…. Sing a song…

Kyo: Why are you singing?

Yuki: I'm bored.

Tohru: THE ONLY REASON I PUT UP WITH YOU, SHIGURE, IS THAT YOU'RE SO &$# CHARMING!!!!

Shigure: Thanks, thanks. You don't have to mention it.

Tohru: (storms up to her room) RAWR!

Haru: I shall now attempt to eat an entire bagel… in one huge chomp.

Kisa: Isn't that dangerous to your health?

Akito: Come to me, my neophytes!

(silence)

Akito: Really! I wanna go to Dairy Queen.

Ritsu: AAAAHHHH!!! I'M SO SORRY! FORGIVE ME! I'LL DRIVE YOU THERE IMMEDIATELY!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!

Hiro: Don't be such a vomit-tastic potato, Ritsu. Geez.

Momiji: OH!!! I love potatoes! Especially when they're in pancakes. Mutti!

Kisa: Mutti…?

Shigure: Oh joy, we now have to explain the mutti factor.

Haru: (with his mouth full of bagel) Mmmmph!

Tohru: Yuki, the only reason I've actually kept this hat is because… I love you!

Kyo: (slaps Tohru) You can't love Yuki! He's a girl!

Yuki: I'm NOT a GIRL!

Hatori: We know…

Momiji: Hey! The wind is windy!

Haru: No duh.

Kyo: Why the (beep) is the (beep)-in wind (beep) blowing?!

Momiji: O.O

Yuki: Stop swearing, Kyo.

Kyo: (beep) you, rat.

Aaya: Hello, my dear, wonderful, and downright astonishing cousins! You know, a strange thing happened to me while I was watering the plants yesterday- Tori-san! Do you want to know what it is? I'll tell you anyways. I saw a purple-yes, purple- car carrying Daisuke Niwa!

(silence)

Aaya: And from your obviously stunned and amazed silence I can deduce that my tale has brought tears to your eyes! I accept the Oscar! I'd like to thank the Academy! Thank you, thank you all!

Kisa: Shut up, Aaya.

Hiro: Yeah! Shut up! You talk too much!

Shigure: Wow. I've taught them well.

Hatori: Ooooh snap!

Kyo: Where's my sensei?

Yuki: Dunno…stupid cat…

Kyo: (grows a gigantic manga vein) RAWR!!!!!

Yuki: (dodges)

Kagura: KYO! I MISSED YOU! I LOVE YOU! I WANT TO STRANGLE YOU, BUT I LOVE YOU!!!

Kyo: Waaaahhhh!!!

Tohru: I'm gonna go check on Uo-chan and Hana-chan. See ya!

All: Bye!

Onigiri: We're dancing onigiri…yay, yay, yay, yay, yay.

Haru: I'm going to EAT you!!! (scene changes to a Godzilla cityscape, Haru as Godzilla, onigiri as…people.) ROAR!!! (scoops up onigiri and stuffs them in his mouth) Yum-o…

Hiro: (to Shigure) You have something on your butt.

Shigure: (begins chasing his butt around in circles) No! Why won't it stay still!?! Come back here, butt! AAAHHHHH!!!!

Hiro: Watch, Kisa, for the "critical moment of frustration." If my calculations are correct, it should be right…now.

Shigure: (beep) you, butt! (takes out a sword and chops his butt off.) OW!! I just CHOPPED MY BUTT OFF!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(silence)

Kisa: Trial one, a success. Now for Hatori…

Mine: Ka-NINJA!

Aaya: Yes, indeed. I completely agree. Let us embroider all of Yuki's clothes with the phrase "I am a pansy". Okay?

Mine: Shure, boss!

Akito: (dancing) Two- steeeeep, two- steeeeeeep…

Kagura: You dance really bad.

Rin: But not as bad as me!

Kagura: True. You've got four left hooves.

Rin: I'm left-handed.

Kagura: Oh! Four RIGHT hooves. Gotcha.

Yuki: (reading off a script) Um… okay, I'm supposed to say… REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!! And I have to be excited!

Kyo: Shut up, rat.

Yuki: You shut up.

Kyo: No, you shut up.

* * *

So! Please review. Please, because otherwise I'll have to write some crappy stuff that makes no more sense than Shigure licking a lamp. (thinks) actually, that'd be pretty funny. But, for the sake of moo-ness, review.

-blake


	2. The next chapter Obviously

The next chappie! I told all the fanciful reviewers (okay, most of them) that I'd update soon. Very soon indeed! I've got too much time!

Ryka Pheonix: Blake may or may not be my real name. I tend not to disclose it. Sorry… (grins) but I'm sure your cousin must be proud.

Noke Cat: You keep following me and my fanfics! YAY! That review was…scary… eek! Thankees!

Hobbitsizeme: I'm trying. Still…

Tifa Tyndal: Love your penname. Thanks for the fluff and ego boost…

And so:

* * *

Yuki: No, you shut up. 

Kyo: No, you shut up…rat.

Yuki: SHUT UP!!!

Kagura: Kyo!

(silence)

Haru: Well, come on, do your running around trying to kill Kyo shepiel…

(silence)

Haru: What?!?

Kagura: That was uncalled for.

Tohru: And inappropriatado.

Yuki: What the-

Ritsu: NOOO!!! FORGIVE ME FOR MY FORGETTING TO TELL KAGURA THAT KYO WAS HERE AND EATING NON-LEEKY FOOD! WAAAAA!!!

Haru: He's not eating leeks, we know. You don't have to tell us that.

Momiji: Why are you being so sensible, Haru?

Haru: I'm not being sensible. I'm being…testy.

Momiji: I see…

(later)

Hatori: Uuuhhhn. My ears hurt from being stabbed by that too-small stethoscope.

Akito: Get Aaya to make you some tea.

Hatori: 'Kay. (yells) AAAYYYYAAAAAAAA!

Akito: Shigure! Where's my Blizzard?!

Shigure: (half of his rear end is covered by ragged band-aids) Here.

Akito: Is it Oreo?

Shigure: Yeah.

Yuki: (runs in) Hiro set the barn on fire.

Shigure: We don't have a barn.

Yuki: Whatever. He set something on fire. I think it's the washing machine.

Kisa: BURN!!!!!!(evil laughs) MAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (breath) HA...Ha...ha...na...

Ritsu: NOO! I AM SO SORRY FOR ATTEMPTING TO PUT YOU OUT, RAGING FIRE! BUT I MUST IN ORDER TO SAVE THE WASHING MACHINE! I'M SO SORRRRYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Hiro: Okay, stop…I think the candle's gone out by now.

Momiji: Eh!?

Tohru: HANA?!?!

Momiji: Why are you looking for Hana and Uo?

Tohru: We're playing hide-and-go-seek.

Momiji: Sweet!

Akito: I snap rhythmically in your FACE!

Yuki: I need to find a piece of cheese, or else I'll have to eat your Blizzard.

Akito: (becomes an avenging angel) NEVAH!!!

Kyo: Where'd my soup go? It had eggplant in it. Wah…

Uo: (flicks Kyo in the face) It's in my stomach.

Kyo: (wails) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Uo: I win!

Aaya: Remember the time when I-

Yuki: Shut it.

Aaya: Oh-hoh! You want to make the rift even more…rift-like. Shame, Yuki!

Mine: Shaaaaaame.

Haru: (stroking Rin's hair) My little pony, my little pony, very pretty and extremely fierce.

Rin: Shuddap, would ya? You're annoying me.

Haru: Eep! I'm going…black! (Metallica music) RAWR!!!!!

Dark: (appearing from nowhere) Oh! A rival! And a cute girl! (throws a feather at Haru)

Haru: (eats the feather) Yum. I'm gonna turn into a cow. (poof…) Moo!

Akito: Where's that ugly Tohru?

Ritsu: AAAAHHHHH! I AM SO SORRY! SHE GOT EATEN BY A CRUMPLE-HORNED SNORKACK!!!!

(collective gasp)

All: REALLY?!?!?!

Ritsu: Nah, how stupid do you think I am? Hanajima fried her with those…rays.

(collective gasp)

All: Really?!?

Ritsu: Nah.

* * *

So! Review, per favore! I love it when people review! It makes me...warm and fuzzy. Thankees! And see ya laters! 

-blake


	3. What the!

It's the NEXT CHAPTER! Oh my gosh! There's already three chapters and my hands aren't burning from pain! AAAHHHH!!!! WOOO!!! 

Okay. Here…

NokeCat: Your reviews continue to scare me. I think I'm scarred for life. Please keep Josephine from killing me.  
Tyfa Tyndal: (I think I spelled your name wrong) Thanks. I try to keep the randomness pretty story-like..and I tend to use the funny parts of Furuba a lot. Be warned...  
RavenownsALL: Indeed. I'm doing my job right then... (grins)  
Cloudygirl13: (bows) Merci!

* * *

Yuki: Feliz Navidad…

Aaya: Ooh! Feliz Navidad!

Kyo: Feliz Navidad, pro-

Aaya: PROSPERO ANO Y FELICIDAAAAAD!!!!!

(silence)

Momiji: I want to wish you a merry Christmas…

Hiro: I want to wish you a merry Christmas…

Kisa: I want to wish you a merry Christmas…

All: From the bottom of my HEAAAAAARRRTTTT!

Shigure: Okay, someone go get me some takoyaki.

Akito: (with a blizzard moustache) And an Oreo Blizzard.

Ritsu: (with duct tape over his mouth) Mmmph! Mmmmppphhhh! Mmph! Mmph..mhmph…mmm.

Hatori: Hey.

Fangirls: Ooh! It's Tori-san! (squeal) Yay!

Hatori: Um. Yeah. Well.

Haru: These are your groupies. Ta-daaa!

Hatori: (sweatdrops) Um…

Haru: (runs off)

Kyo: (talking to Yuki) And every time you always beat me!

Yuki: I'm sorry. (hug.)

Tohru: (gasps) It's a HUGGY MOMENT!!!

(silence)

Tori Mrotz: Awkward JELLYFISH!!!

Momiji: That reeked of private-joke-ness.

Kisa: Indeed.

Shigure: Anyone have a car?

Aaya: Hai.

Shigure: Get me some takoyaki.

Aaya: Sure…I guess…(flounces off)

Tohru: Aaya is the master of the flounce.

Kyo: (beep) off.

Shigure: Rin!

Rin: Que.

Haru: Don't mess with my girl.

Shigure: Wasn't gonna.

Haru: (black) Ya wanna take this outside?

Shigure: We're already outside!

Haru: Ya wanna make somethin' of this?

Yuki: I feel sexy in my tiny sombrero!

(silence)

Kyo: What…the…(beep) ?!?

Akito: Someone PLEAAAASSSEEEE get me a Blizzard!

Ritsu: Mmmph!

Hiro: DRUNKEN-STYLE KUNG-FU ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!

Kyo: What the heck!?!

Kisa: Hiro, you're scaring me.

Hiro: Don't worry, I'm only acting.

Aaya: Ka-fish!

Hanajima: Okay, Uo-chan, what are we doing here?

Uo: Je ne sais pas. Tu aimerais faire a roller?

Hana : Oh, shut up.

Uo : Fine. Where'd Tohru go?

Hana: She's gotta be in here somewhere.

Shigure: I LOVE THE SMELL OF DIRTY UNDERWEAR!

(silence)

Yuki: Oh.

Kyo: My.

Momiji: Guten taaag!

Haru: God.

Akito: If someone doesn't get me a Blizzard within 2 minutes, I will kill all of you. Including the rooster dude.

Kyo: "Rooster dude?"

Akito: I can't remember his name, okay!?! It starts with an "S" ore something…um…

Momiji: Bend…and snap! Bend….and snap!

Ritsu: Bendy-snappy ACTION!

Dylan Katz: This is all hentai. Why am I here?

Blake (the authoress): Because I put you here.

Dylan: You suck.

Blake: (points to "destroy" button on keyboard) Ahem?

Dylan: (blows a raspberry) THBBBTHBBTHBTBTBhthbnthththn. (disappears)

Blake: Hi! Bye!

Yuki: Who was that?

Kyo: Who the (beep) was that?!? They (beep)-up this (beep)-ing fanfic. (beep)!

Momiji: Stop beeping, you sound like a car stuck in a Roman rush hour.

(silence)

Kisa: …Roman?

Momiji: Yeah.

Hiro : NO COMMENT !

(silence)

* * *

Woo! Please review! And I'm looking forward to another insane chappter! 

-blake


	4. WHAT THE HECK?

Fruits Basket Insaneness Chapter 5…I think…

Kudos to all reviewers. Hugs to all hit-ers. Cookies to all.

* * *

Kureno: Unnnnnn.

Akito: OMG! ROOSTER DUDE! (hug)

Kureno: …uhnnn…

Shigure: Well then. It's Chapter 5. Which means-

(collective gasp)

Shigure:- That I have to go to Hatori to get…a shot. Wah.

Hatori: Yep! Come on!

Aaya: Whenever I drink sake, I become invincible. Wanna see?

Yuki: No. Never.

Kyo: (laying on the couch) I'm tired. It's raining. I'm tired.

Yuki: WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kyo: (jumps) EEAAAHUUUU!

Tohru: (attempting to cuddle Kyo without actually hugging him) Poor Kyo…

Momiji: Joy! Joy! Jitter! Joy!

Kyo: (smacks Momiji)

Momiji: (smacks Tohru)

Tohru: (smacks Yuki)

Yuki: (falls over)

All: Owww…

Yuki: Tomato! Tomato! TOMATO!

Kyo: What the HECK?!?

Kagura: Yeah! What do you mean by tomato?

Yuki: I dunno.

Aaya: Ice cream and cakey-cake! Ice cream and cakey-cake! Ice cream and cakey-cake!

Tohru: Icecreamandcakedotheicecreamandcake! Icecreamandcakedotheicecreamandcake! Icecreamandcakedotheicecreamandcake!

Haru: Now slip, slip, slip an' slide! Slip, slip, slip an' slide!

Hiro: Stop you stupid stupid people!

Kisa: Yeah!

Haru: (singing) Don't you want me bay-beh…

Kyo: Shaddup.

Shigure: (singing) Ta-ko-ya-ki!

-Warning-

The next few lines are nothing but randomness. You have been warned. Obviously.

Akito: I broke my lulu bone!

Kagura: You lost me at HELLO!

Haru: OMG! PDQ! QRS! TUV! EIO!

-the extreme randomness ends here.-

Akito: Dammit! Someone get me a fricken Blizzard!

Ritsu: No.

(collective gasp)

Yuki: Oh my gosh! Ritsu's not crossdressing!

All: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ritsu: Noooo! Gomen nasai!!!! I'm SO SORRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! WAHHH- mph!

Momiji: Wow.

Rin: (with her hand over Ritsu's mouth) Shut. The. Hell. Up.

Momiji: Get the maracas!

Hiro: Si! (runs off)

Tohru: Momiji… what are you gonna do with those maracas?

Momiji: Wait and see!

(20 minutes later)

Tohru: Okay…?

Momiji: HIRO!

Hiro: (comes out of a closet with Kisa, kiss marks all over his face) …yeah?

Momiji: (grows a huge manga vein) GO GET THE MARACAS!

(silence)

Hiro: Maintenant?

Momiji: Maintenant. And no kissing.

Aaya: (hops in) Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off.

Shigure: (prancing after Aaya) Driving, driving, passenger off.

Yuki: (runs in) Who embroidered this on my shirt?!?!

Shigure: (reads shirt) "I love Tohru, and I'm a pansy. Yay!"

Aaya: (snickers)

Yuki: (whirls on Aaya) AAAYAAAAA!!!!

Aaya: Hold it…the rift!

Fangirls: (gasp) The rift!

Haru: Awww…shut up!

(collective gasp)

Aaya: Haru! I wanted to tell you about the fantastic- and exotically delicious- awesome bombe glace that Tohru made for me!

Haru: (silence) And I care because…?

Aaya: Gure!

Shigure: Que.

Aaya: Can I have something yummy?!

Michan: GURE-SENSEI!

Shigure: Eep! I'll get you something in a minute…(runs away)

Hatori: (carrying Mine) Yo.

Aaya: (hugs) 'Tori!!!!!!!!

Hatori: Leggo.

(outside)

Rin: Jilted!

Kyo: What are you doing?

Rin: Saying jilted…

Akito: HEY! HO! LET'S GO!

All: HEY! HO! LET'S GO!

(the Ramones appear from thin air and play songs.)

Akito: (dancing maniacally) YAY!

(inside)

Aaya: Look! (peers out the window) The Ramones are playing songs!

Hatori: Mm-hmmm…

Shigure: TAKOYAKI!

Yuki: (slaps forehead) Why am I stuck with you STUPID people!

Kagura: Because you love us all.

Yuki: I DON'T LIKE KYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kagura: Eeeek! (runs away)

Aaya: So…? Do you like your shirt?

Yuki: NO!

Shigure: Ha-to-ri-!!!!!!!

Hatori: Que.

Shigure: I want a hug.

Yuki: You guys have fun… (attempts to slide out of the room)

Aaya: (holding Yuki's collar) Nuh-uh!

Shigure: Icky thump.

Aaya: I'll be off! (prances out of the room)

Hatori: Aaya…is really loud.

Shigure: He always was.

-flashback (with actual paragraphs! OMG!!!)

Aaya, Shigure, and Hatori were sitting at their 6th grade lunch table, happily munching away at their mystery mushes. Shigure was in the middle of a very spirited remark when his spoon slipped and brown ickyness slopped down his front. "Oh, fudge," he swore, looking at the ick.

Aaya gasped at the ick and writhed in agony. "GURE!"

"What?" asked Gure, still staring at the mess that was his shirt. Hatori stared too- he was bored.

"YOU'RE A SHIRT MURDERER!!!!! SHAAAAAMMMMEEEEEE!!!!!!" shrieked Aaya, breaking the sheet glass windows at the other side of the room.

-End flashback and paragraphy writing-

Hatori: Great times, no…?

Shigure: The best…

Aaya: (flounces in with Akito on his back) PETUNIA!

Hatori: Told ya.


	5. Tako!

Furuba Insaneness! Chapter…something.

I finally updated... relish it...

Thanks to all fluffy reviewers! I bow!!!

* * *

Yuki: Tako!

Shigure: Where?

Yuki: In your face.

Shigure: Well, from now on, I shall be known only as…Shiggy.

(collective sweatdrop)

Shiggy: Woo.

Akito: I need to maul something.

Momiji: You suck.

Akito: RAWR! (attacks Momiji)

Momiji: Duuude…I'm un-attackable. I covered your claws with duct tape.

Akito: (cries)

Kyo: I want caaandy…

Tohru: Bump-a-dump bump bump!

Yuki: Hiro!

Hiro: Yuki!

Yuki: What, chibi-suke?

Hiro: You were the one who called me, idiot!

Kisa: You're tall, though.

Hiro: (beams)

Shiggy: Stop beaming!

Manabe: Yuki, you freak me out.

Kimi: Indeed!

Yuki: O…kay?

Kimi: Yun-yun! Kimi wants to make out with you!

Yuki: Make out with Kakeru instead.

Kimi: Mkay!

Kakeru: Whoa! Wh- mmph!

Haru: Yuki!

Yuki: Que.

Haru: Haru means spring. Isn't that cool?

Yuki: (Sweatdrops) I thought you were going to declare your undying love for me.

Haru: Oh. I love you.

Yuki: YAY!

Kyo: (silence) W…T…F?!

Haru: What?

Kyo: (walks away) There's no helping you.

Ayame: Oh! Yuki and Haru are a couple now? I, who am number one in all Yuki-related affections, must tell Hatori the amazing…and yaoi…news! He'll never believe it!

Momiji: Yeah.

Momo: I have a monkey's name!!!

Tohru: (squeezing Momo) You're so CUTE!

Akito: Man, I feel like a woman.

Kureno: Dah dah dah duh dah dah dah!

Akito: (hugs Kureno) YAY! Rooster dude!

Kureno: (sighs) My name's Kureno.

Akito: Right. And my name's Scooby Doo.

Kureno: (sweatdrops)

Shiggy: (runs in with a tennis ball in his mouth) Catoshtrophe!

Uo: Kureno!

Kureno: Ummmm…

Uo: I missed you soooo much! (hugs)

Kureno: UMMMMMMM….

Uo: Oh. I forgot that you poof when I hug you. S'okay.

(meanwhile…)

Tohru: Kyo! Why are you on the roof all by your lonesome?

Kyo: Technically I'm not alone. All these cats love me.

Tohru: They're not the only things that lo-

Aaya: HATORI-SAAAAAN!!!! TOHRU-CHAN IS CONFESSING HER LOVE TO KYONKITCHI!!!!!!

Kyo: (bristles) Don't CALL me that!

Tohru: Darnito.

* * *

Will Tohru ever confess her love to Kyo? Will Aaya ever shut up? All this and more...in the next chapter!!!

-blake


	6. Randomness Pure and undefiled

Fruits Basket Insaneness Chapter…wait. I can't even remember what chapter this is. Therefore it must be a monumental chappie number! Huzzah!!!!!!!!!!

So…thanks to all my fluffy reviewers…All my fans are following me!

…I actually have fans. That's awesome.

* * *

Yuki: I'm a rat. A rad rat.

Kyo:You can't be rad.

Yuki: Yo. See? I'm radidellic.

Kyo: (sweatdrops) Radidellic isn't a word.

Momiji: But Hamsterificallypersnickety is!

Kyo: No, it's not.

Aaya: YES IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(silence)

Yuki: Nii-san, your capital letters are messing up the page.

Ayame: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? THEY LOOK JUST FINE!

Yuki: No, they don't. Shigure!

Shiggy: My name isn't Shigure any more, you rad rat!

Kyo: HE ISN'T RAD!

Momiji: Or hamsterificallypersnickety!

Tohru: Kyo, aishiter-

Ayame: NO EFFING WAY! TOHRU IS IN LOVE WITH THE CAT! KYONKITCHI HAS A BRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MUST MAKE THE DRESS! AND THE SUIT FOR THEIR MARRIAGE!!!!

Kyo: WTF?!?

Kureno: Ya know, even though I'm the rooster, I don't even turn into one. It sucks. Cause if I was a rooster, I'd make Akito deaf so I could yell at him and he'd just go, "What?". Because Akito's just stupid like that. Ya know?

Hatori: No, I don't know. And stop talking like a Southern trucker.

Kureno: That's uber unfair.

Rin: Where did the uber come from?

Haru: Deutchland.

Rin: Um…hm…

Haru: MAKE OUT WITH ME, RIN!!!!

Rin: Mkay! Yay for making out!

Manabe: Why are you guys always wearing weird clothes with rips near strange places that rips usually aren't?

Rin: Mphn mmph mmhnph, mph mhahhph mmph.

Haru: Nmph mphn, mmmhphteh, mmph.

Manabe: That explains it!

Chibisuke: DUDE! My name is NAO!!!!

Okay, Nao: Thank you.

Kimi: SUPER KILLER POKE!!!!!!!!

Nao: EEEEHHHH!!!!!!

Akito: Dairy Queen, Dairy Queen, has the bestest yummies that there are to eat…I want a yumalicious Blizzard and a hot and tasty burger…HU-ZZAH FOR DAI-RY QUEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shiggy: That was special.

Haru: Yo, what happened to the uber?

Shiggy: Jo no sei.

Lillian: That's not how you spell it!

Shiggy: Really?

Yuki: YESSERS!

Kyo: Yessers?

Uo: You best believe it, orangey!

Megumi: Kyo, your name is… in three days, you'll be cursed. (giggles) Yay for curses!

Kyo: I can curse, all right! (BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP)

(Silence)

Shiggy: (thwacks Kyo repeatedly with a inflateable puppy) Shame on you! SHAME!!!

Aaya: SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!! THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING EVER TO BE DONE IN THE HISTORY OF MY BELOVED BROTHER'S UNIVERSAL EXISTENCE! AND I'M STILL YELLING IN CAPS LOCK! IT'S REALLY GETTING ON THE AUTHORESS'S NERVES!!!!!! BUT CAPS LOCK IS THE FANTASTICEST AMAZINGEST WAY TO TALK! IT MAKES ALL YOUR SENTENCES LIKE BUCKETS OF ROSES!

Yuki: More like buckets of headaches.

Aaya: I HEARD THAT!!!!!!

Kyo: Evidently.

Shiggy: I wanna play the sitar!

Tohru: Ooh, yay!

Hiro: You're stupid.

Tohru: Hurray!

Kisa: And dense.

Tohru: Um…yay?

Ritsu: I'M SORRYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M IN THIS FIC, BUT I AM, SO I HAVE TO YELL IN CAPS LOCK ALL THE TIME! AND IT MESSES UP THE PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO SORRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ayame: Dance, dance, falling in love with half-time.

Yuki: You're not talking in caps any more!

Ayame: Yep. I took a 3-step anti-caps-lock program in rehab, and it fixed my caps lock fixation. Yay for rehab!

Yuki: You…actually went?

Aaya: (nods)

Kyo: OMG!!

Shiggy: 1'm ju5t 50 g7n5ta! A1nt da7 awesum3?

(silence)

Shiggy: I was trying it out.

Yuki: It didn't work.

Kyo: And you suck.

Shiggy: Dammit!

Jamesey: These shoes cost 300 dollars.

Blake: These shoes cost 300 dollars.

Both: These shoes cost 300 effing dollars.

(pause)

Both: LET'S GET 'EM!!

Tohru: That was special…

Kyo: Special-ed special…

Haru: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffish sticks!

Uo: What the hell? What's with all the 'f's?

Haru: A typo.

Uo: KEWL!

Hanajima: Cool, you mean.

Uo: Nevah…it's kewl.

Hanajima: Cool!

Uo: Kewl!

Hana: Cool!

Uo: Ke-

Ayame: (bursts in) I am in dire need of a delicious libation to quench my horrible, cursed thirst! Hopefully my lovely little brother Yuki can somehow procure a tantalizing cooling drink to ease my parched discomfort. Have no fear, my chickadees! Ayame has arrived!

Hatori: (to Shiggy) You've gotta admit, he's good.

Shiggy: Yeah. He's got a flair for the details.

Hatori: Hai…

Ayame: YUKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yuki: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Manabe: Oh my gosh. You are the most awesome person I have ever seen. I bow down to you. Repeatedly.

Ayame: Oh, I do not deserve such servitude! You just have to be kind to me. And eat avocados.

Avocados: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Onigiris: RUN, AVOCADOS, RUN!!!!!!!!!

Haru: Quiet down there.

(silence)

Yuki: Haru, you're too weird for me. I don't love you anymore.

Haru: (gasps) Yuki! No! Don't leave me!

Rin: Hi.

Haru: (makes out with Rin)

Hiro: (eying Kisa) Hey, Kisa, you wanna do that?

Kisa: Why? It's kinda nasty looking.

Hiro: You're right.

Kisa: I always am!

Momiji: HATORI GOT RUN OVER BY A BUS!

(collective gasp)

Hatori: No, I didn't.

Momiji: But everyone believed me!

Hatori: Cause you were feeding them a load of bull.

Kyo: Bull? Where?

Yuki: (glares)

Kyo: Eep!

Megumi: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tohru: Let's all have some soba. Leeky soba.

Kyo: (dies)

Yuki: Leeks! How I love thee!

Kyo: (comes back to life) I'm a zombie! Woo!

Aaya: Just in time for Halloween, my favie holiday.

Kagura: Favie?

Aaya: Yap.

Kagura: Oh. KYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kyo: (runs away) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!

Yuki: Release the hounds!

Tohru: And the ruptured elephants!

Ritsu: How do elephants come to be ruptured?

(silence)

Tohru: I don't really know. They just…are. Ruptured. It sounds like a type of cereal.

All: Ruptured…….

* * *

And so we leave the Sohmas and other people to think about the word ruptured… and how much it sounds like a type of cereal.

Will anything non-random happen in this fic? Hopefully not!

-blake the bishi-bashing fangirl

-kdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkddkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkdkddkd-


	7. The Closet Of doom

Fruits Basket Insaneness…In the Closet Edition!

Oh yeahhhh! For this chapter, I'm not even gonna bother with the little scripty thingies that show who's talking. Everyone's in a closet. A dark, dark closet. And I can't see who's talking. But hey, you can kinda tell who's who…

-h-a-p-p-y-b-u-n-n-i-e-s-o-f-d-o-o-m-

"Why are we in here?"

"I told you. It's because I want to get away from Nii-san."

"Ayame-san?"

"Yes, Tohru."

"Ah."

"Yuki-kun! It's such a shame that I cannot stay longer with you, but I must come into the darkness of the closet that you are trapped in! It's an amazing journey, but one that I must complete!"

"Shut up."

"Kyonkitchi. We meet again."

"BUFFALO!"

"Momiji…why are you in here?"

"EXPLOSION!"

"Okay then, but that doesn't explain why-"

"Yuki, I love you."

"Shut up, stupid cow."

"Don't call me stupid."

"I'M SO SORRY! I DON'T REALLY NEED TO BE IN THIS CLOSET! BUT IT'S DARK! AND I'M SORRY FOR WHATEVER IT IS THAT I DID WRONG! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M APOLOGISING FOR!!!!"

"…"

"…"

"So…loud…"

"Yo."

"Hey, Rin. Wanna start a make-out session?"

"Yeah. Sounds good."

"Mmph."

"YUN-YUN!"

"What?"

"What's up?"

"Um, I'm in a closet."

"Woo!!!"

"Kyo-kun, let's hug. I'm cold."

"I'll turn into a cat, you know."

"Oh. I forgot."

"ICELAND IS MY BOYFRIEND!"

"What the heck?!"

"MUSIC IS MY TOMATO SAUCE!!!"

"SHUT UP, MOMIJI!"

"Hey."

"Tori-san!!!"

"Shigure, get off my feet."

"That's not me."

"Then who is it?"

"Mmphhhh…"

"Oh. It's Rin and Haru making out. That's not too nice to have on my feet."

"I can't fly anymore! It's so angsty!"

"Yo, Kureno?"

"(sniffle) Yes?"

"Get out."

"Bu…Bu…But…"

"We all hate you."

"I don't hate Kureno-san! He's nice. He hugged me. And then he made me cry."

"Well, that's mean! I'm gonna beat him up!"

"Stupid cat."

"GRAWR! Okay, I'll beat Yuki up instead."

"You can't beat me, you know."

"Fine. Let's start a hot bishi make-out session, then."

"Okay. Ready?"

"Yep."

"Mmmph."

"Oh. Well."

"Relax, Tohru-chan. They're just doing that for the fangirls."

"Ah. I see. It's still…weird."

"Don't worry…TOMATO!!!"

"Shut the hell up, Momiji!"

"You're interrupting our make-out session!"

"Oh, sorry."

"Onee-chaaaan!"

"KISA!!!!"

"You're choking me, Onee-chan."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Hi, stupid woman."

"Luv ya too, Hiro."

"I am REN! Feel my power!!!"

"…"

"Who let Ren in?"

"I did."

"That was stupid."

"She flirts with everyone! It's fun."

"Hey, handsome…"

"Ren?"

"Yeah?"

"That's Kagura."

"Oh."

"My brain is fried from now on. I'm not alive anymore."

"Great! I'm free!!!"

"I never said I wouldn't stop trying to molest you, Kyo."

"Oh, snap. You got told."

"Shut up, Hiro."

"I AM GOD!"

"…"

"Akito's a chicken…"

"Shut up, Shigure."

"Mmph."

"What?"

"Um…Akito and Shigure have started a make-out session. On Aaya's face."

"How are they doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Making out on Aaya's face?"

"I don't know."

"…"

"It seems so…wrong."

"Yeah…"

"Yuki?"

"Yeah?"

"Hug."

"Mkay."

"Yeah, I'm a bunny. Bong-dong-hong-kong-super-song-POTATO!!!"

"…"

"I'm a cow."

"Shweet. I'm gonna eat you."

"I'm still a cow, you know."

"I don't freaking care. Get over your bovine PMS-ing!"

"Dude, I'm a dude too."

"WHO CARES?!?!"

"…"

"Just in case anyone's keeping tabs, Akito and Shigure are still making out. Now on the floor."

"Kureno, look away."

"Why?"

"Just because. Go bother someone."

"Mkay."

"Manabe, shut up."

"…and then the hamster LUNGED at the Loch Ness monster, and the monster became an antelope, and the car crashed into Harvey's. Fish sticks ruled the universe…You say something, Yuki?"

"…"

"He's dead."

"Ohmigod."

"Sohma-kun?"

"Joking, he's alive. Stupid rat."

Thwack.

"Ow…did I really deserve that?"

"Yes."

"Hiro…?"

"Yes, Kisa?"

"You wanna start a make-out session?"

"Um…yeah."

"…"

"Awwwwwww…."

"I concur wholeheartedly, my gentle brother! It's a shame that I couldn't see this spectacle of love, but I can still listen as I hold my little brother to my breast!"

"Shut up, Aaya. And let go of me."

"I want some soba."

"Ren, shut up."

"Shigure…I love you more than Dairy Queen."

"That's saying something, my dear Akito."

"Soba…?"

"SHUT IT!"

"You know what's stupid?"

"Do I want to?"

"Yes. You do."

"Well?"

"You are."

"…"

"You're struck speechless?"

"I can't believe it took you all this fic to figure that out."

"Dammit, Yuki!"

"Um, Hatori?"

"Yeah, Momiji?"

"I have to tell you something vitally important to the state of my being."

"Pray tell!"

"…I…like…PORCELAINWASHBASINS WITH LITTLE DUCKIES ON THE SIDE, ALSO SOMETIMES I LIKE TAKING A SHOWER WITH A HAIR NET ON! AND I ALSO ENJOY FONDUE, CAUSE WHO DOESN'T? I ALSO LOVE TRUFFLES! AND BARNEY! AND CROSSWORD PUZZLES THAT MAKE FUNKY LOOKING SHAPES WHEN YOU CROSS YOUR EYES AND YELL 'EGRET!' AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"So?"

"…"

"I told you it was vitally important!"

"…"

"…"

"Hello?"

"Momiji, everyone's in mental shock from the sheer amount of caps-lock-ness that you used."

"Yuki… if that's the case, then you must be immune to caps lock!"

"Probably."

"Hmmm… what shall we do?"

"Hot bishi make-out session?"

"Why not."

"Although, admittedly you're not exactly a bishi…"

"Who cares?"

"Not me. Here goes!"

"…"

"…….."

(15 minutes later)

"Okay, that was fun…is everyone awake now?"

"No."

"Okay, continue…"

(20 minutes later)

"Stop…I heard someone."

"Mmashiakia."

"That's Kureno."

"He's being squashed by Ren's big butt!"

"The horror!"

"She's heavy."

"Yeah…"

"Thanks! I can breathe again!"

"Welcome."

"So…"

"Let's get out of this closet."

"Oh-KAY!"

* * *

And so the closet chapter comes to a close. Hm.

It wasn't too random this time around, was it?

And in case you're wondering, the hot bishi make-out sessions were just that…hot bishi make-out sessions. I'm not implying anything else….get your minds out of the gutter, readers!

I was seriously tempted to have someone yell "ZOOKY BOOKY DOOK" at the top of their lungs, and then have an explosion…but the thought of sticking a knife through TehFutureMs.KyoSohma's super-random crackfic made me desist. It's so funny. I crack myself up reading it…

I'm running out of topics rather quickly.

So…review!

-blake


	8. Making out! How fun!

Furuba Insaneness Chapter…um, 8? I don't know anymore. The chapters just seem to run into each other by now…

Since everyone loved the Closet chapter (except for those of you who didn't), I'll be writing a Closet Chapter, part 2. Eventually. But for now, enjoy this chapter, free of charge! Cookies to reviewers, by the way.

* * *

Momiji: Music is my Saturday morning cartoons…

Yuki: Whatever. I don't really care anymore.

Momiji: (gasps) REALLY?!?

Kyo: Shut up!

Haru: You shut up!

Kyo: I wasn't even talking to you in the first place.

Rin: Haru's so gangsta, his bling has bling.

Kyo: WTF?!

Kagura: I'm gonna kill you! With a noodle!

Hatori: Did someone say noodle?

Kagura: Uh, yeah.

Ayame: We must do…the Noodle Dance!!!

Shigure: Right on!

Ayame: You can't say that. That's my line. Plus you slept with Akito.

Hatori: That's not cool.

Shigure: Fine, fine. Let's get on with it, then!

Madabuchi Trio: (sings) Noodle…do the noodle dance! Dah dad ah dad a da duh da…

Kyo: Whatever.

Kagura: How did this spawn from me wanting to kill Rin?

Rin: Wait, you want to kill me?

Kagura: Um…no…

Ritsu: If you're feeling tense, why not stroke a small deer?

Yuki: Where'd you get the deer?

Ritsu: Deer have takoyaki power.

Deer: (deer noise)

Ritsu: Told ya so.

Yuki: Um, right. Moving on.

Shishou: Did you drop a moist tangerine on yourself?

Hiro: Um? Your face's a moist tangerine!

Shishou: Oh, no. No, oh no.

Hiro: Stop that, you imbecile. You teach childish ways to defend yourself for a living, and yet you can't even think of a better dis than "Did you drop a moist tangerine on yourself"? What kind of an adult are you? Go back to grade school, you idiotic hamster.

Kyo: Wow. That's the most amazing insult protein you've ever strung.

Hiro: Protein?

Kyo: You know, proteins are made out of long strings of amino acids…

(silence)

Kyo: I actually pay attention in Biology.

Yuki: Evidently.

Hanajima: Fish.

Uo: Yep, fish.

Momiji: Special-ed with a side of tomato paste!!!

Haru: Whatever. I'm gonna talk in IM language from now on.

Rin: Okay?

Haru: yea i kno its weird. i gues its not rite, but w/e…i keep on havin to bkspc…

Rin: What the heck!!

Haru: u mean WTF. geez, rin. u suck.

Momiji: No, Haru, it is you that sucks. You're being a harmful role model to those thousands of teenage cow-possessed boys out there. You shouldn't talk like that.

Haru: fine. How's this, Mr. I'm Too Good For IM Language?

Momiji: (gasps) How DARE thee?!?!

Yuki: Fishified!

Ayame: Begone, _kafir_!

Hatori: Begone, _sitzpinkler!_

Ayame: Who are we saying "begone" to again?

Hatori: That purple mailbox over there!!

Aaya: RAWR!!!

Mine:You're an onsen.

Kakeru: Thanks. Yo, Haru!

Haru: Yo. 'Sup?

Kakeru: Is flush a weird word?

Haru: (thinks) Um…

Kakeru: _Plus on est de fous, plus on rit._

Haru: Yes. It is.

Aaya: VICTORY HUGGLES!!!

(silence)

Ritsu: I'M SO SORRRRYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! I ACCIDENTALLY MADE AAYA HAPPY SO HE'D ASK EVERYONE FOR VICTORY HUGGLES! MAY GOD CURSE MY POOR SOUL! I'M UNFORGIVABLE!! PLEASE EAT MY INNARDS!!!!

Yuki: Whoa, we're not going that far.

Ritsu: Not even the innards part?

Yuki: Nope.

Ritsu: Aw, it was one of my better spazzes.

Haru: Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go!!!!!!!!!!!!

(silence)

Ayame: You're special.

Kyo: Well, yeah.

Haru: If everyone in this world was the same, than it'd be boring.

Tohru: HOW DO ELEPHANTS COME TO BE RUPTURED?!?!?!

Ritsu: I DON'T KNOW!!!

Yuki: Why is everyone always shouting in this house?

Shigure: It's got bad acoustics. If we went to Carnegie Hall, no one would have to yell.

Yuki: It's too far awaaaaaay…

Kimi: Will Kureno make out with Kimi?

Kureno: No.

Ren: I needs a huggle.

Rin: (slaps) There's your huggle.

Ren: You suck, bi-ach!

Rin: How DARE you!!!

Momiji: Star Wars muffin!

Haru: Muffins is cantalopey.

Hatori: CONJUGATION JUGULAR VEIN!!!!

Uo: Olay. It's more than good, it's great.

Hanajima: The authoress apologises to those of you who are repeatedly saying "WTF?". She knows that she's being exceedingly random, and likes it. So, live with it, or else I'll electro-zap you!!!

Uo: Don't zap anyone.

Hanajima: Fine.

Haru: Butterflies.

Yuki: Yo MOMMA!

Akito: Dairy Queen's my momma!!

Ren: Ouch. I'm not that fat, am I?

Akito: You are!

Akira: ROAR!!!

(silence)

Akira: Bow down to me, my subjects!

Akito: Daddy-san!!! Yay!

Ren: Yo. 'Sup.

Akira: Byees! (disappears into thin air)

Ren: I'm still incensed about that Dairy Queen remark.

Akito: Don't use the big words!

Ren: (sighs) I make the angry face about the yummy sprinkles.

Akito: Oh.

Ayame: Today, as I was eating my spicy tuna wrappette, I happened to spy a hamster called Hamm-Hamm eating a sprig of broccoli! My snake-like nature naturally wanted to digest him, bones and all, so I had to relocate to the movie theatre. They were playing a most HORRENDOUS film. In case you're wondering, Ritsu, I eat my wrappettes with deep confidence. Just like I eat my soba. Yum…soba. That reminds me, I have to go eat lunch! (flounces out)

Kyo: SPICY!!!!

Hatori: That's right, my strange little muffin.

Kagura: He's not your muffin. He's MY muffin.

Hatori: Ya wanna fight for him?

Kagura: Shells yeah!

Hatori: (slaps)

(begin slapping catfight)

Yuki: (sweatdrops) I didn't know Hatori could scream like that.

Haru: Or that Kagura knew how to sissy-fight.

Yuki: I think the right course for action is to slide away inconspicuously. Ready?

Haru: Yep.

Both: DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO US! WE'RE SLIDING AWAY QUIETLY! WE WERE NEVER HERE!!!

(silence)

Haru: Our plan has backfired.

Yuki: Evidently.

Kisa: My pen loves me. And I love it back.

Hiro: You mean…?

Kisa: What?

Hiro: Nevermind. (starts mentally yelling to himself)

Momiji: Hiro is experiencing something called "puberty", in which you get angsty and worry about the state of your face because you get zits all over it.

Kisa: That sucks.

Momiji: You're telling me! I just finally finished squishing all the zits out of my nose!

Kisa: Disturbing mental image.

Yuki: Momiji, were you talking about that time in the coatroom?

Momiji: No, zits.

Yuki: Ah.

Rin: I EMERGE VICTORIOUS!!!

Hatori: And I emerge…the loser.

Haru: That sucks.

Rin: Therefore I get to make out with you!!  
Haru: Oh. 'Kay. (makes out with Rin)

Kyo: There seems to be a lot of making out in this fic. (eyes Tohru) Ahem, ahem, ahemmmm…

Tohru: Kyo?! Are you sick?!?! Do you need medicine?!

Kyo: I'm fine. Relax, child!

Tohru: (sighs) Phew. Fine, I'll make supper. Leeks and liver?

Kyo: I. Hate. LEEKS!!!

Tohru: Eep! (runs into the kitchen)

Ayame: So, Kyonkichi, you managed to make Tohru afraid of you again? How utterly mortifying.

Kyo: My life isn't mortifying.

Ayame: Yes, it is. Deal with it.

Uo: (gasps)

Hanajima: (gasps)

Everyone else: (gasps)

Tohru: YAY!

Uo: Tohhhhhrrrruuuuuu… you messed the game up….

Tohru:…I just lost the game!

(A/N: Darnit, so did I. Heh, heh, I was winning too.)

Hanajima: I'm zapping Machi.

Machi: Yuki, I love you.

Yuki: (gasps) Really?

Machi: Yeah, otherwise I wouldn't come and say that.

Yuki: The logic…it burns…

Machi: Don't we get to make out now?

Yuki: …What? Oh, right. Yeah, let's. (make out session)

Ayame: TORI-SAAAANNN!!!! YUKI IS MAKING OUT WITH SOMEONE NOT IN HIS FAMILY!!!! IT'S A MIRACLE HE'S ACTUALLY FOUND SOMEONE!!!! YAY!!! TORI-SAAAAAANN!!!!!!

Kakeru: I wanna dance.

Kimi: Yep. Let's dance.

-h-o-w-m-o-r-t-i-f-y-i-n-g-!-!-

* * *

Well, the chapter's over. Again…how horrendous! Anyways, I'll be probably not able to put up some new chapters for a while, my internet's being irksome…so don't worry, hamsters.

I just called some random people hamsters? How horrible of me! I deserve to be eaten by a water buffalo!!

(sings) "Everybody has a water buffalo, mine is fast and yours is slow…where we got them I don't know, but everybody has a water buffalo. Brought my buffalo to the store, got his head caught in the door, knocked some lima beans on the floooorr…."

-Veggie Tales.

I guess I need to stop talking, my drabblyness is more random than the story itself.

-blake


	9. Closet Chapter 2!

The Closet Chapter. Part Two. I told you I was gonna write another one of these. So I did. References from Shakespeare, Weird Al's Albuquerque song, and the Demented Cartoon Movie aren't mine. And for that matter, neither is Fruits Basket. Oh, the woes of being an adolescent fox-human hybrid! I don't even own my cat! How angsty!

* * *

"Ancient damnation!!"

"What?"

"Shigure locked us in the closet again."

"Dammit!"

"Well, yeah."

"Damn dog…"

"Kyo, you know fully well that I don't deserve that."

"You locked us in the damn closet! You DO deserve that!!"

"Hi…"

"Hey, Ritsu."

"Wha- How'd you get in here!!?"

"I was still in here from the last time…"

"Oh."

"Sohma-kun, would you like a piece of fish innards?"

"No. No with all my heart."

"Okay, Shigure, what did you do here."

"Tori-san!!!"

"Yes. I'm Hatori. Now why have you locked us all in here?"

"Where there's a closet, there are hot bishi make-out sessions. Where there are hot bishi make-out sessions, there are fangirls."

"So this all is just to get fangirls?"

"Yup."

"**IDIOT."**

"Yo."

"Hi, Haru."

"'Sup?"

"Nothin'."

"Zooky booky dook!"

"…"

"Momiji, you aren't going to yell like you did last time, are you?"

"No. I have learned my lesson."

"Pumpernickel? I love pumpernickel!!!"

"Who was that?"

"Rin?"

"Hm?"

"Did you say that?"

"Say what?"

" 'Pumpernickel? I love pumpernickel'?"

"Uh, no."

"Okay. Who said it, then?"

"Who knows. A closet monster?"

"There are MONSTERS in this closet?!?!"

"Relax, Tohru."

"Bu…bu-bu-but…"

"Butts? Where?!"

"SHUT UP, SHIGURE!"

"Well, of course the dumb Shiggy-san must shut up, for it's his nature to spout stupid sentiments like Mount Rushmore. I mean, Old Faithful. Please pardon my inconsistencies. Anyways, where is my little brother? I brought him peaches again, because EVERYONE loves peaches, and whyever not? They're juicy and orange!"

"Whatever, Aaya. Go away."

"Did you cheat on me while I was gone?"

"How could I cheat on you, 'Gure?"

"ALL RIGHT!"

"Do you guys ALWAYS have to do that?"

"Yes."

"…"

"I'm going to bash Orangey over the head with this lead pipe."

"AAHHH!!!"

"Heh! Joking, joking."

"D…don't do that!!!"

"Do what?"

"Who invited wave girl?"

Thwack.

"Okay, okay. I mean, who invited Hanajima?"

"I did."

"Besides you, rhymes-with-witch."

"I take offense to that."

"Well, that's your problem, Ren."

"Who invited Ren?"

"I did."

"Akito, I thought I told you that Ren is a demented hamster-tomato hybrid!"

"I take offense to that."

"SHUT UP!!!"

"I take-mmph."

"Thank you."

"Who did that?"

"Um, me."

"Me being?"

"Haru."

"Shweet."

"KAMIKAZE WATERMELON!"

"Shut UP, Momiji!!"

"O…okay… (sniffle)"

"Flame, flame, how I like to flame…"

"Ayame?"

"Yes, my dear little brother?"

"Shut the hell up."

"Oh, if you put it that way it sounds SO much more desirable…"

"Shut up."

"Fine. I can tell I'm not wanted."

"…I take offense to that."

"SHUT UP, REN!!"

"That wasn't Mommy-san."

"Then who was it?"

"Shiggy-san."

"SHIGURE!!!!!!"

"Eep!!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"So…"

"Yeah…"

"Moving on…"

"Quirrribble!!!"

"WTF?!"

"Well, it seems that Kyo is utterly confuzzled!! Oh, the horror!!!"

"What the hell does confuzzled mean?"

"(gasp) How can you be without such an influx of culture?!?"

"Sooooobaaaaaa…."

"SHUT UP, REN!!!!!"

"Fine, I can see I'm not wanted here."

"That was a pretty impressive yell. Let's do that again."

"…NO."

"…"

"What happened to Hatori?"

"His fangirls took him away to a better place."

"Ah."

"I need a ferret."

"Momiji, are you feeling alright?"

"Um…no…I need a ferret."

"FLESH EATING WEASELS!!!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

"What was that?!"

"Oh, just some flesh-eating weasels eating Kakeru's face."

"Oh. Well, that's going to have to be amended."

"Indeed."

"My naked weapon is out."

"Shut up, Haru."

"I'm quoting Shakespeare. Shakespeare is GOD."

"Ahem, ahem?"

"…you don't count, Akito."

"I was BORN to be loved! So angsty!"

"…"

"We don't care."

"Some family you are."

"Suit yourself."

"Rin? Let's go make out."

"Yay!"

"…"

"That was…special."

"It was special indeed, mon petit frere! I cannot but help to writhe in joy from your exquisite pronunciation that escaped your soft lips like a butterfly's wings!"

"That made no sense at all."

"…Soba?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Hey, Hatori? Ya need help getting Ren off of ya?"

"Naaaw. I want you to cut off my arms with a chainsaw."

"Okay!"

RRRMMMMMNNNNNNNNN.

"Whoa! No, no, I was being sarcastic! No! Put the chainsaw down!!"

"Okay."

"NOT ON THE FLOORRRR!!!!!!!!"

RRNMmnnbnb.

"The chainsaw has died."

"A horrible, horrible death."

"So…"

"SHUT UP, REN!"

"…ba."

"WE MEAN IT!!!"

"Machimachimachi mariachi…"

"Who keeps on saying random stuff?!?"

"Kyo, breathe."

"I vow that I will not sleep, will not eat, and will not rest until I find the perpetrator of the random sound maker."

"Okay?"

"After I go beat up some random person."

"Okay."

"If the world was flat, how would people skydive?"

"SEE?!?! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT WHEN I SAY RANDOM SOUND MAKER!!!!"

"That _is_ pretty random."

"I told you!!"

"You're putting the wrong em_pha_sis on the syl_la_ble."

"Gosh!"

"Yo, no Napoleon Dynamite references. Napoleon Dynamite is God."

"You just said that Shakespeare was God."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'm polytheistic."

"WTF?"

"Kyo, use your words like a big boy."

"What?!?"

"Much better."

"Kagura?!"

"I'm angsty."

"Whatev."

"KURENO'S ANGSTY!!!!!!!"

"We know, Ritsu."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

* * *

And so the 2nd closet chapter comes to a close.

The last bit…heh…inspired by the review of The Little Cog Girl- didn't you say that was your favorite part? Woot.

Give me ideas, I usually use them.

Anyways, on a completely different note, I am currently trying to get one of my friends to make me an Ayame costume so I can scare small children. Or go to an animecon...not that I'm ever going to be able to...  
I have just been alerted that I have a 7th grade fanclub. I don't know whether to be afraid or just...annoyed.

-blake


	10. Wow Chapter 10 already

Furuba Insaneness: Blake's Sister Edition!

Yep, I got my little sister (She-who-must-not-be-named) to help me write a chapter of Furuba Insaneness.Um, woo?  
Thank you for all reviews, reviewers! (That's a little redundant, I know.) We have over 50 reviews! ZOMG!  
Yes, ZOMG. I don't know how the Z snuck in there.

In other news...it's the 10th chappie already. I can't believe it. This fic is really, really old.

* * *

Momiji: Lip liner!

Hatori: No, Momiji. That's from Rin's stash of makeup.

Rin: WHO STOLE MY MAUVE #2 LIP LINER?!?!?!

Hatori: Toldja.

Momiji: Oh, well…um, I guess I'd better just give it back…

Haru: Mooooo.

Yuki: Haru, you have problems.

Shiggy: I'm the most problematic of them alllll!

(silence)

Shiggy: Well, it's true…

Ayame: What happened?! You're Shiggy again!

Shiggy: I always was. Mua, hua, hua.

Kisa: (runs in) Tohru is dying of an icky illness.

Hiro: Icky…?

Kisa: The kitchen has been transformed into…

All: THE GARBAGE JUNGLE.

(collective gasp)

Kyo: Battle onigiri!

(silence)

Yuki: That was so effing random. You don't even deserve a Skeptical Look®.

Kyo: But isn't that the point of the fanfic?

Yuki: Not that random. Here, a Skeptical Look ®.

Kyo: Woot.

Shiggy: ZOMG!!! The people are rioting in the streets! And Akito has transformed into an ion!!!

Hatori: What's an ion!!!

Kureno: Why is everyone so excited!!!!

Rin: Shut. Up.

Haru: Yay! Rin!

Rin: (shoots Death Glare at Haru)

Haru: S…sorry…

Momiji: Cheese.

Kureno: Whatever, you wannabe crossdresser.

Momiji: (gasps) That reminds me…

Spice Girls: (sing) If you wanna be my lover, you gotta stay with my friends…

Momiji: Friendship lasts forever, friendship never eeeennnnndddss…

(stunned silence)

Shiggy: Is…is…Akito still an ion?

Akito: Spiffy!

Shiggy: That's a yes.

Ren: I'm HOT!

Rin: Wrong song, b----.

Ren: Then what's the song?

Rin: I'm COLD!

Ren: Oh. I'm COLD!!!

Akito: (slaps Ren for no apparent reason) DIE!

Ren: _You_ die.

Akito: Dairy Queen your face!

Ren: Dairy Queen your…your…momma!!

Akito: You're my momma. Get over it, Ren. You're just an idiot.

Hiro: (gives Akito a high-five) Oh, yeah. I've taught you well.

Tohru: HANAJIIIIIMMMAAAAAA!!!

Kyo: What are you doing now?

Tohru: Feliz navidad.

Kyo: That doesn't explain things at all!!

Yuki: Konnichiwa wa tashiwa wa rasuberri chichimutzu.

(silence)

Yuki: Okay, it means "Hello, my raspberry is seriously wounded." What's wrong with that?

Kyo: It was uncalled for!

Kagura: EMPLOY THE KYO CATCHING NET!!!

Kyo: What the-

Kagura: Muahahahah!!! You've been captured! Now come with me to my lair!!!

Ayame: What a scintillatingly amazing movie. I'll eat my wasabi-flavoured potato chips forthwith. Muahaha.

Haru: Ant attack!

Rin: ZOMG.

Sting: Stalker gene!

Rin: What the hell??

Haru: What the hell?!?

Kyo: What the hell!?

Yuki: Shut up, imbeciles.

Haru: Lukewarm!

Tohru: Angsty riceball!

Kureno: Your angst is no match for my angst. Oh snap.

Uo: Let's eat things.

Hanajima: Yay. Food. Everyone loves food.

Tohru: Yay! I have friends! I'm so popular!

Yuki: You're a hopeless fraud.

Tohru: (struck speechless)

Kakeru: Yun-Yun!! How utterly rude and obnoxious- to insult this poor woman who cooks and cleans for you!

Yuki: I don't care.

Tohru: (still getting her mind around what Yuki said)

Haru: I'm an idiot!

Kyo: Whatev.

Kagura: HUGGLES!!!!!!

Kyo: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Momiji: Constipation.

Hatori: Diarrhea.

Momiji: Indigestion.

Hatori: Acid reflux.

Momiji: Noooo! I can't remember the other ones!!!

Hatori: Neither can I. Damn Pepto-Bismol commercials.

Haru: What I'm wondering…how can one thing cure constipation _and_ diarrhea?

(silence…but a thoughtful silence)

Hatori: Good question. Moving on.

Mine: I just caught a wahoo!!

Ayame: What in the name of Gucci is a wahoo?

Mine: A fish.

Ayame: How wondrous! We shall feast upon its carcass for our evening meal!

Yuki: You're a very messed up person.

Ayame: (dancing to the music inside his head) What's that you say?

Yuki: Nothing.

Haru: I love Lucy, and she loves meeee…

Rin: Ahem?

Haru: Luv ya too, Rin. I'm just singing a theme…oh, wait, you wanna make out?

Rin: Ya got it in the end.

Haru: Yay! (make-out scene)

Momiji: TIM HORTONS KICKS DUNKIN' DONUTS' _BEEEEEEEEEEP_!!!!!!!

Hatori: Well, that sure was special. And true, incidentally.

Shiggy: I feel like a lump of jelly…

Ritsu: Gasp.

Momiji: Gasp.

Hatori: Gasp.

Kyo: Effin' gasp.

Yuki: Gasp.

Tohru: Gasp…

Haru: Gasp.

Rin: Gasp.

Kisa: Gasp.

Hiro: Gasp.

Megumi: Emo gasp.

Ayame: Like, gasp.

Nao: Gasp.

Minagawa: Gasp.

Kakeru: Gasp.

Kimi: Gasp! (insert heart here)

Machi: Gasp.

Mogeta: Gasp.

Ren: Gasp.

Shiggy: Gasp.

Kureno: Gasp.

Akito: Gasp.

Akito's Dad (whose name I currently can't remember): Gasp.

Uo: Gasp.

Hanajima: Gasp.

Random Classmate: Gasp.

Mayu: Gasp.

Kana: Gasp.

The Icky Maid: KOTATSU!!!!

(collective sigh)

Kakeru: Noooooooooo…you messed it up…

I.M.: Messed what up?

Kureno: ANGST! Oh, the horrible, horrible angst!

Akito: Oh no! Angst!

Kyo: Whatever. Angst, shmangst.

Mogeta: AJDfa;dja;lkdjfa;skdjfa;siae;rfn;ena;iahretas;idufhair[aunga;skndv;kasdgiugfae. ;slkfda. ;adlkihkj9ioihphehb, dispiqie,chjuihto. grusertlakj.

Haru: I concur wholeheartedly with that statement.

Rin: Of…course.

Kagura: Sometimes I wonder why you two keep on dating.

Rin: (death glare)

Haru: (kinda distracted death glare)

Kyo: Your face is a naughty love story!

Yuki: Well, your face is a yaoi manga!

(silence)

Kyo: Um…sorry.

Ayame: Yuki! Are you really…

Yuki: No.

Ayame: Right…

Kyo: Let's leave, Yuki.

Yuki: K. (they leave. Yay.)

Kakeru: SNEAK ATTACK!!!

(collective gasp)

Akira: BLEAH!

Akito: Dad! Right…?

Akira: I dunno.

Hatori: Let's all eat bagels.

Hanajima: Beagle potato salad without eggies!

Uo: Let's go back to the mental institution, okay?

Hatori: You have bronchitis. If you pray to the cow, then you will get better!

(and now, a break to the authoress and her sister's conversation- in italics. Gasp.)

_Blake: Come on! You're not being random enough!!_

_SWMNBN: But I only want to write about Momiji!!!_

_Blake: You Momiji-obsessor…_

(Thank you for your patience.)

Tohru: DROOL!

Shiggy: What? Tohru, you should stay away from the liquor cabinet, it tends to make people crazy.

Tohru: Haaarrruuuu…

Haru: What's happening, homedog?

Tohru: You'reeee shhmmeeeexxxxxyyyy…

Haru: I already knew that. Geez, Captain Obvious.

(silence)

Yuki: You conceited bagel…

-f-i-n-i-s-(for now)

The gasping took me longer than neccessary. Alright then. Do your duty as reviewers...and, well, review.

-blake


	11. Gaspeth!

**The sudden, amazingly encouraging influx of reviews has left me amazed. That's a little redundant. Huh…  
Well, anyways, thank you all for your awesome support of this fledgling fic (and fledgling authoress!) Cookies and Oreos…wait…and cream crackers and gingerbread men and gumdrops and jelly babies and…other…stuff…to you all. Please recommend this fic to all your Furuba-obsessed pals. Assuming you have Furuba-obsessed pals.**

**All references to "Harry Potter Puppet Pals", various other fanfics, songs, and other pop culture are not mine. Neither is Fruits Basket. Oh, the sadness.**

**Moving on:

* * *

**

Momiji: Wowzers!!!

Yuki: What the hell are you talking about?

Kyo: You have a feminine bone structure.

Tohru: Gasp.

Hatori: That just reminded me… (sings) GATAGATAGASOLINA!!!

(silence)

Kyo: You cutesy goober, what the heck was that?

Shiggy: I'm pimpin!

Aaya: I'm flamin'!

Yuki: I'm not.

Daisuke: PO!

Hiro: I'm secretly a spaghetti overlord.

Kisa: Squirm was a worm.

Kyo: Your momma gave me this face!

Kureno: Angst.

Akito: Let's dance the hula!

Kureno: Is it angsty?

Akito: Um…maybe…

Momiji: TOASTY BAGEL!!!

Ayame: Indeed, my small half-German pal! That bagel, from its two minutes spent in the hot maw of the toaster, is indeed toasty and warm. Let us ingest its yummyness.

Kisa: KYORU! KYORU! KYORU! KYORU!!!

Hiro: Why are you _screaming_ that?!

Kisa: The reviewers told me to.

Tohru: I love flowers! And bunnies! And small, cute animals with big eyelashy eyes!

Haru: Hn.

Rin: I hate my haircut. It's so…Akito-y.

Ren: GET OVER IT!

Akito: _YOU_ GET OVER IT!

(slapping catfight begins)

Hatori: You got served.

(collective sigh)

Yuki: Hatori, don't say that again, okay?

Hatori: You don't deserve a face, but God (or Buddha) gave you one!!

Yuki: (to himself) He doesn't get it…

Uotani: Happy '08.

Hanajima: Yep, happy 2008.

Uo: Another year. Woo-hoo. Full of idiots and insults and tests and homework and stuffs.

Hanajima: I just wanna stay in 2007, actually.

Uo: I concur…Where's Tohru?

Kisa: YUKIRU! YUKIRU! YUKIRU!

Hiro: What…the…_hell_?!

Haru: Yuki.

Yuki: Haru.

Haru: What's happenin'?

Yuki: (sighs) Let's see. Hiro is chasing Kisa around the main house yelling to her to stop saying "Kyoru" and "Yukiru". Hatori is still trying to insult people using bad disses from movies. Hanajima and Uo are trying to find Tohru. Michael Jackson has become the Prime Minister of India, somehow, and Rin and Ren are still catfighting, for some strange reason.

Haru: A pretty normal day, no?

Yuki: I don't even think we know what normal _is_.

Ayame: Let us deepen our brotherly bond, Yuki! I propose we go canoeing!

Yuki: **No.**

Ayame: Please?

Yuki: _**No.**_

Ayame: (scream of anguish)

---

Somewhere in Utah:

Random Dude #1: You hear something?

Random Dude #2: Yeah. Sounds like someone screaming "Yuki" at the top of their lungs.

Random Dude #1: Maybe it's my mom.

Random Dude #2: Who knows? Better go check.

---

Back in Fruits Basket Land (aka Japan):

Hatori: Shut your piehole, snake!

Ayame: Oh no you did-ant.

Hatori: Oh yes I did.

Ayame: Don't go there…

Hatori: Your underwear drawer is just FULL of…

Ayame: He went there! RAWR! (slap)

Hatori: (teary-eyed) How _could_ you!?

Ayame: You've left me no choice…I must…

(gasp)

Ayame (again):…TOMATOIFY YOU!!!

(large anticlimactic feelingy sigh)

Kyo: I love you, fangirls.

Fangirl Hordes: UAHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! (breath) UAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (faint)

Yuki: Nice.

Kyo: It's the most efficient crowd control method- the Bishounen Love Confession.

Haru: You should see what happens when _I_ do it. Not pretty.

(collective shudder)

Ritsu: I'M SO SORRY FOR WHATEVER IT IS THAT I DID WRONG PLEASE RENDER JUDGEMENT ONTO MY POOR SINNING SOUL!!! I DESERVE TO BE BURNED ALIVE ON RED-HOT COALS!!! _PLEASE RENNDDDEEERRR JUUDDDGGGEEMMMEEENNNTTTTTT!!!!!_

Yuki: You know, Ritsu, you didn't do anything wrong.

Ritsu: (sniff) I didn't?

Akito: I'm a chick!

Ritsu: You're sure?

Yuki: I'm sure. Now go find Shigure's editor.

Ritsu: Kk!

Shiggy: No, _you_ come on!

Akito: I love you, Shiggy!

Shiggy: Luv ya too, Akito-weeto!

Haru: (pukes) The…damn…pet…names!

Rin: Bongo drums.

Haru: Whaaaa?

Rin: Over there. Bongo drums.

Haru: You're right.

Rin: Um, yeah, I usually am.

Tohru: Rin!!!

Rin: Get away from me before I bash your face in.

Tohru: (begins to cry)

Rin: I'm kidding.

Tohru: Oh…oh…okay.

Momiji: Hatori?

Hatori: What.

Momiji: Make out with Aaya. I wanna watch.

Hatori: Did Shigure tell you to say that?

Momiji: …yes…

Hatori: (sighs) Go tell Shigure that he's an idiot.

Momiji: Kk!

Kakeru: Blah. Blah, blah, blah-dee-blah, blah.

Kisa: YUCHI! YURU! KYOKI!

Fangirls: What the hell do those mean?

Kisa: Simple! Yuchi Yuki + Machi; Yuru Yuki+ Haru; Kyoki Kyo+Yuki!

Fangirls: Huh…makes sense. More sense than Daiku or Darisa…

Kisa: …?

Fangirls: DNAngel pairings. Don't worry your perty little head. Now go and flirt with Hiro.

Kisa: Okay!

Edward Cullen: Real men sparkle. And eat mountain lions.

Kyo: I take offense to that.

Fangirls: IT'S EDWARDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yuki: I'm too freaked out to be jealous.

Edward: S'okay.

Hatori: BLAHAHAHAH!

Shiggy: Yo, Tori? Take your spazzy self outside. Kay?

Hatori: Bleh.

Ayame: STEADFAST!

(silence)

Ren: What?

Kureno: I'm feeling angry and pubescent today, and I don't know why. I'm going to take it out on people I like.

Hiro: Hi, Kureno! What sort of tomfoolery shall we get up to today?

Harry Potter: Oh, shut up, you _beeeeep_s.

Akito: That was uncalled for.

Harry: Your face was uncalled for!

Akito: _Sectemsempra!!_

Harry: OW! (disappears)

Akito: I'm so awesome. No one can beat my extreme awesomeness.

Kureno: Whatev.

Aaya: Well, I'm…awesomer than you. Muah, ha-ha.

Kisa: KYORU!!! YUKIRU!!!! UORU!!! YOURMOMRU!!!! SPAGHETTIRU!!!

Hiro: What?!?

Kyo: Hey, Tohru?

Tohru: Yes?

Kyo: I…I've always loved you.

Fangirls: AAWWWWWW!!!!

Ayame: (teary-eyed) How sickeningly cute!

Tohru: Okay! I love you too, Kyo! Let's go elope!

Kyo: Really? It's that easy?

Tohru: Yep, yep!

(and now, on a completely different tangent…)

Momiji: My hovercraft is full of eels!

Haru: (sigh) Isn't that from Monty Python or something?

Momiji: Yes. It is. And it's the most awesome quote I've ever heard.

Haru: (goes back to his Mogeta manga) Suuurrree. You have problems.

Momiji: It's the HOLY HAND GRENADE!!!!! GASPETH!!!!

(stunned silence)

Yuki: Momiji, you really need to stop eating so much candy. It's hazardous to your mental health.

Momiji: But…(sobs)

Haru: I'm going to go eat something. Woot.

Shiggy: Come on, Aaya! Whatcha doin'?

Aaya: Catching fish.

Shiggy: Without a fishing rod?

Aaya: (yells) Chuck it over here, Hatori!

Hatori: (throws fish)

Aaya: (catches) See, catching fish.

Shiggy: You guys are Japanese rednecks.

Hatori: I'm a doctor. I can't be a redneck. I just help.

Hiro: (following an exercise video) And one-two-three-four, step, step, and 5-6-7-8, step, step…

Kisa: Kyoru?

Hiro: GAAHHHHH!!!!

Hinata: Blahh, blurbad, huubaaa, mlah!

Tohru: How cute! Baby gurgles!

Uotani: Yeah…cute. Let's go torture Orangey, okay?

Hanajima: I'll protect this small baby from harmful waves. Have fun. (smiles)

Rin: Yo.

Hatori: That's my line. Don't wear it out.

Shiggy: Yo.

Hatori: That's my…SUIT!!! _SHIGUREEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ (chases after Shiggy insanely)

Rin: Demented lemurs.

Haru: I love you too. (hug)

Fangirls: Damn Rin!

Rin: (shoots evil death glare at fangirls)

Fangirls: Um, we mean…Awwww!

Rin: Much better.

Momiji: Hubcapolitious!

Hatori: Whatever you say, Momiji…whatever you say.

* * *

**And so it ends. I'm channeling the authoress of Not DNAngel with my bolding ANs. For some reason, Spell-Check doesn't like me. I think it's because of all the Japanese names and stuff…and random exclamations…**

**I needed more Aaya in this chapter. I'll add him more in the next couple.**

**Along with the next chapter, there will be a (wait for it…) WALL OF FAMENESS… where all the fancy reviewers get their fifteen minutes of fame. **

**Anyways, yeah. Check out my other stories, they're getting cyber-dust from not being read. And reviewed.**

**Cookies, again.**

**-blake.**

**(Happy 2008, by the way! Another year. Jeez, I'm old. Anyways…)**

**Review?**


	12. KYORU!

**Fruits Basket Insaneness.**

**I have a really bad habit of starting stories, then starting another story and keeping that one, and then finally getting around to updating the other story…It's a vicious cycle. So I'm going to have to end one of my fics eventually. AHH! I can't end any of my fics…that's not fair. They're all awesome.**

**Sigh. Well, here's the short-awaited chappie.**

**We have over 65 reviews! Sixty-freakin-five! I'm overjoyed! I've never gotten this many reviews before! Take that, random enemies! MUAHAH!**

**Note: all references to random pop culture aren't mine. Neither is Furuba. Oh, the sadness…**

-h-o-w-m-u-c-h-w-o-o-d-c-o-u-l-d-a-w-o-o-d-c-h-u-c-k-c-h-u-c-k-i-f-a-w-o-o-d-c-h-u-c-k-c-o-u-l-d-c-h-u-c-k-w-o-o-d-

Yuki: Sigh.

Tohru: What's wrong, Yuki?

Yuki: Nothing. Sigh.

Tohru: Something _is_ wrong. What is it?!?!

Yuki: Sigh.

Kyo: (singing) I like milk, I always will…whole or 2, I love it still, I like milk, I always will, I …like…milk.

Hatori: Influenza.

Momiji: I love fish.

Kisa: Buuubles.

Hiro: What? Well, at least you've stopped saying-

Kisa: KYORU! KYORU! KYORU! KYORU!

Hiro: GAAAHHH!!!

Ayame: Why is there a band called Radiohead?

Hatori: I don't know, maybe the name TVhead or Showerhead was already taken.

Ayame: …perhaps.

Akito: Cheesypoof.

Kureno: Applesauce.

Akito: I'm going to go emo.

Kureno: Well, I don't care anyway. Go ahead, I guess. I'm going to go drown in my angst.

Akito: You do that. See ya later.

Kureno: Angst.

Ayame: Angst indeed, my poor bewildered cousin! Let us go share our collective angst with the divine Yuki. I, who am number one in affection for all things Sohma, must go and present you to my joyful, rejoicing younger brother!

Yuki: You know, I'm not joyful or rejoicing.

Ayame: Oh. That kills my plan.

Shigure: High-school girls…high-school girls…all for me, high-school girls!

Uo: No.

Shigure: What?

Uo: No way.

Shigure: Okay?!

Uo: Stupid… (walks off)

Shigure: (perplexified)

Kyo: What the hell does perplexified mean? Shigure can't be perplexified. And what happened to him being Shiggy?

Shiggy: I was joking. I really am Shiggy.

Kyo: Right.

Aaya: It's the baka neko!

Kyo: ROWR!

Yuki: For once, I agree with you, Nii-san.

Haru: Rin!! I love you…

Rin: Love you too, Haru. (hug)

Momiji: You guys are such cutesy goobers. You're just sickeningly cute.

Kyo: RE/VT!

RENT fangirls: You can't abuse RENT's good name, n00b. Now go away.

Kyo: Wha-? I'm not a n00b!

Fangirls: (sigh) Whatever. Just don't say that again.

Kyo: Fine. (to himself) Noobs…

Lillian: (hitting Kyo with a rolled-up newspaper) IT'S SPELLED N00B!!!! N00B!!!!

Kyo: Okay! Okay!!!

Kazuma: Kyo.

Kyo: Shishou! (hug)

Kazuma: Kyo, I have something to tell you, that I've kept hidden for years.

Kyo: Gaspeth!

Kazuma: Kyo…I am your…FATHER!

(silence)

Kyo: That was incredibly stupid.

Yuki: Your face is incredibly stupid!

Momiji: Your mom's incredibly stupid!

Yuki: I concur.

Aaya: How dare you say that about our mother?! She may be evil, vain, and conceited beyond belief, but she is still the one that brought us into the world! We must give her a reasonable amount of respect!

Yuki: She's an idiot.

Kakeru: I like fries.

Machi: (sighs) What did I do in my past lives to deserve a half-brother like you?

Kakeru: Hm, I don't know. Perhaps you killed a white buffalo.

Machi: WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET THESE REASONS?!?!

Hatori: Let's do the Ketchup Dance.

Momiji: KK!

Both: (sing) Ketchup, ketchup, ketchup, tomato! Some spell it c-a-t-s-u-p, some spell it k-e-t-c-h-u-p, and some spell it t-o-m-a-t-o!!!

Haru: You know, that didn't rhyme whatsoever.

Hatori: That is the beauty of the Ketchup Dance.

Haru: (cough) RETARDED (cough)

Hatori: (cough) NO IT'S NOT (cough)

Haru: (cough) YOU'RE AN IDIOT (cough)

Hatori: (cough) YOUR MOM (cough)

Haru: (cough) YOUR FACE (cough)

Hatori: (cough) YOUR MOM'S FACE (cough)

Haru: (cough) DON'T GO THERE (cough)

Hatori: (cough) I WENT THERE (cough)

Akito: Epaulettes!!!!

(silence)

Momiji: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's…

Random people: Pampada pampada paaaaaaa…

Momiji: YOUR MOM!

(more silence)

Shiggy: Que sera sera, Satchan?

Kisa: YUKIRU! YUKIRU! YUKI…Man! That's really exhausting…lemme catch my breath…

Hiro: Yay! You're actually speaking real words! Instead of that…

Kisa: KYOURU! KYORU! KYORU!

Hiro: DAMN IT ALL!!!

Shiggy: Ah, feel the love.

Haru: My throat's sore from all that coughing. Really…what did we do to deserve that?

Shiggy: Um…?

Rin: Oh, dearest Haru! What horrible malady has befallen your black-and-white encrusted head, with eyes like the finest jewels?

Haru: I should take you to the Renaissance fair more often.

Rin: (frets) OH DEAR! We're gonna have to KILL HATORI!!!

Hatori: Eep!

(collective gasp)

Momiji: You can't do that.

Rin: Porquoi pas?

Momiji: I've been keeping a secret…Hatori is my…HUBBY!!!

(another collective gasp)

Yuki: NO WAY!

Momiji: YES WAY!

Hatori: Momiji, don't put lies into their poor little minds. (hug)

Kyo: I'm going on the roof.

Aaya: Are you hunting bears?

Kyo: Uh, no.

Yuki: YOU SUCK!

Momiji: Lollipop!

Shiggy: Shoogie boogie.

Hatori: Boogie shoogie.

Shiggy: BE BOP-DA BOOOOM!!!

(stunned silence)

Tohru: Is everyone okay?

Hiro: It's a bird…

Ritsu: It's a plane…

Tohru: My god, it's ANGELICA!!!

Kyo: My name isn't Angelica.

Tohru: Well, I'm going to start speaking in a German accent. Beat that.

Kyo: WTF!?!

Tohru: MUAHAHA! Zees ees trulee zee right vay to spiek.

Kyo: WHAT THE HELL!

Haru: MEEEEEEKKKKOOOOO!!!!

Rin: RIIIIICCCOOOOOOLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Shigure: IT'S HATORIZILLAAAA!!!

**(Now, my readers, I must apologise.**** Hatorizilla**** was an inspiration from SP and FP's fic whose name I can't remember. Anyways, there was Kradzilla…and SuperDark…so if I have a Hatorizilla, I must have a super-something. I really **_**do**_** apologise****, SP and FP! Don't kill me!!)**

Random Fangirl: What's that? Up in the sky!

Greg the Hamster: It's a bird!

Buttons: It's a bagel!

Kazuma: IT'S SUPER AYAME!!!

Hatorizilla: WTF?!

Super Ayame: That's right! I fight for JUSTICE!

Hatorizilla: I don't.

Super Ayame: Hi-YAH!!! (kicks Hatorizilla in the side)

Hatorizilla: Noooo… (deflates)

(silence in honor of Hatorizilla)

Tohru: So sad.

(back to normal Furubaland)

Momiji: It's the sound of settling!

Ritsu: What's that?

Momiji: BA-BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! This is the sound of settling…BA-BAAAAAAA BA-BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Haru: That's a Death Cab for Cutie song. Shweet.

Rin: Oh, you're not into country music?

Haru: No, I'm not. And I'm fed up with being stuck in AMV's with country music in them. I can't stand the stuff.

Rin: Well, most of them think that you're the cow…therefore cowboy…therefore country music.

Kyo: Where'd Yuki go?

Yuki: (comes in) I was making out with Machi.

Machi: See ya!

Kyo: But Yuki! I thought you were mine! All these lemon fics about us!

Yuki: Don't wave those around. Where'd you get them?

Kyo: Your secret stash. Muahah.

Yuki: Damnit, Kyo!

Tohru: Hi, Yuki! Hi, Kyo! What were you guys talking about?

Kyo and Yuki: Nothing.

Shiggy: Were you talking about something…_dirty_?

Kyo: (thwacks Shiggy over the head repeatedly with a blunt object) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Momiji: Hey, you know when some random guy twirls a girl up in the air?

Ritsu: Yeah.

Momiji: Well, it's called…DISCOING!

Ritsu: I already knew that.

Kisa: Phew, I'm done.

Hiro: YES!

Kisa: Hiro…there's something I've always wanted to ask you…

Hiro: (to himself) Gaspeth! I hope it's something fancy!

Kisa: Will you kiss me?

Fangirls: Awwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!

Hiro: (jumping around with joy) YES! YES! YES! YES!

Kisa: Okay.

Hiro: (smooches Kisa)

Fangirls: (squealing) So cuuuuuttteeeee!!!!

Ayame: Indeed, fangirls. It's a beautiful spectacle of cuteness that deserves to be documented forever, with this camera. (takes piccy) Ah, yes. The juvenile love affair of Hiro and Kisa. Forever to be remembered. Aren't they just adorable?

Shiggy: Underwear!

(fuzzy moment ruined)

Hiro: Damn it, Shiggy! Why are you always messing up these fluffy moments?

Shiggy: Cause I'm just so gangsta like that.

**Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for eternity, those reviewers who gave me stuff. I bow profusely. **

**This fic is awesome.**

**I probably won't end it until the last book comes out from Tokyopop (read; in a few years).**

**Hugs, cookies, the usual stuffs.**

**Review?**


	13. Tomato

The next chapter of Furuba Insaneness. I'm just updating up a storm. I wish there were more non-lemon shounen-ai fics out there…with just fluff.Any fluff. Kyo x Kagura fluff, if you want. That's not even shonen-ai…but let me get to my point. There are TOO MANY LEMONS out there!! It's just crazy, the concentration of lemons!

For those of you who don't know what a lemon is, let's just say that you never want to read one…it will put your mind in the gutter for the rest of the day.

Anyways, authoress complaining over, here's the new chapter. If you want a next Closet Chapter, please put that in your reviews. I'll remind you at the end of this chappie.

There are 71 reviews!!! SEVENTY-ONE EFFING REVIEWS!!! You guys are so awesome!!! I don't know any of you, but you're all gangsta because you reviewed this fic!

**Warning: This fic contains randomness, including random making-out (both shounen-ai and non-shounen-ai) and beeped-out swearing. There's also slight hints to yaoi-ness, but only if you have a mind as dirty as the Anguilla Garbage Dump. Thank you for your patience.**

-t-o-m-a-t-o-so-u-p-

Momiji: My grandpa who is anti modern is singing to classical music.

Hatori: Wait, what?!

Momiji: You heard me.

Haru: You have a grandpa?

Kyo: We all do.

Haru: Really. Well, I don't. Because I'm just that gangsta.

Yuki: What is it with that 'gangsta' expression?

Haru: GANGSTA!

Kagura: YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S SOCKS!

Haru: I don't have a grandmother, either!

Shiggy: I don't give a flying…oven!

(stunned silence)

Kyo: Uh.

Haru: That was intensely strange.

Kisa: Like your face?!

Haru: That was rude.

Voldemort: HORCRUX!!!

Haru: Dude! You're effing dead!!! Get out of the damn fanfic!!

Yuki: Watch the profanity, coz.

Ayame: Your face is feminine.

Yuki: (sobs)

Fanboys: (faint) Nose…bleed…

(stunned silence)

Shiggy: Are there any fanboys for Furuba?

Lindsay: Fourth wall breakage. Stoppit.

Shiggy: O…okay…

Hiro: VINDICTIVE!!!

Haru: Whatever.

Kimi: Kimi wants to know if Haru will make out with her.

Haru: Why not?

Rin: No.

Kimi: Aww…why?

Rin: Haru's MINE. (hiss)

Haru: Rin?

Rin: Shut up. Make out with me.

Haru: There's a food sale…

Rin: So?

Haru: With ramen…

Rin: Let's go.

Momiji: Rin's greatest weakness is her love for ramen.

Kureno: Yeah. If Akito had given her ramen, then she'd have probably cut her hair off herself.

Momiji: Yeah…

(silence)

Shiggy: GASPETH!!! A horcrux!!!

Harry Potter Fangirls: WHERE?!?!

Shiggy: …in…my…belly!

Fangirls: Whatever, Mr. Crazy Perv.

Ayame: That's right, Shiggy's a crazy perv. Even his name's crazy-pervish.

Hatori: Pervish isn't a word.

Ayame: Well, now it is. Deal with it.

Hiro: _You_ deal with it, you nuclear-radiation-emitting sock!

Kisa: That was mean, Hiro.

Hiro: I know, but Ayame sucks.

Ayame: (faints)

Kisa: Oh, dear.

Yuki: Bishounen parade!!!

Fangirls: WHERE?!?!?

Yuki: Where the red fern grows.

Fangirls: Dammit, we should've read that book for English…

Yuki: Sucks for you!

Kyo: Don't be mean to the fangirls. They adore us.

Yuki: Really?

Kyo: Yes, really. Look. (kisses a fangirl's hand)

Fangirl: Like, OMG!!! I'm never gonna wash this hand!!!

Hatori: Le gasp! It's Perez Hilton!

Momiji: Who?

Haru: Mooo… (bonks into a wall) Moooo…moooo…mooo…

Hatori: You know, the gossip blogger. He does a ton of celeb stuff.

Momiji: Hatori, you're scaring me.

Hatori: Le gasp! (insert celebrity's name here) is actually…a…GIANT MUTANT CRAB WHO HAPPENS TO LOOK A HECK OF A LOT LIKE MY MATH TEACHER, MR BALONEYFACEDBAKA!!

Ritsu: (halfway across the world) I'M SOOOO SOOOORRRRYYYYYY!!! I NEVER DESERVED THE PLANE RIDE HERE!!!! I SHOULD PAAAYYYY FOOORRR EVERYONE'S DRINKS TO ACCOUNT FOR MY HOOORRIIIBBLLEE SINNNIINNNGGG!!!!!! WAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Random bar people: (silence) …Woo!

(back wherever)

Akito: Your face is UGLY! Bring it down, Ren!

Ren: KK! (sings) U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, yeah, yeah, you ugly.

Hinata: Bleuahah.

Ren: (gasp) We have failed to faze the Evil Baby Overlord!!

Hinata: Nhatrruuuunnnbbbullluah.

Kazuma: And I now relies that the band I think might be men.

Kagura: Your mom's face!!

Megumi: I'm secretly a gangsta overlord.

Hanajima: You mean a pimp?

Megumi: (sigh) I don't have hordes of women fawning over me at all times. I'm not a pimp. I'm a secret gangsta overlord.

Hanajima: Right. And I'm Charlie the magical unicorn.

Megumi: You skeptics are all so deluded.

Haru: You! You with the face!

Kyo: What?

Haru:…I don't know, I just thought that sounded cool.

Kyo: Well, it did.

Haru: Now Hannah is making a disco bubble boy act to me.

Yuki: Whatever, Haru. (to Kyo) Let's go make out.

Kyo: Woo! T!

Kisa: Fluff.

Hiro: Fluff-tastic.

Ayame: (still passed out cold)

Hatori: I'm so gangsta.

Shiggy: No. You're not gangsta. You're gangster.

Hatori: Gangster? What's the difference?

Shiggy: Gangsta is for cool-ish people. Gangster is for people who think they're gangsta but really aren't. You dig?

Hatori: I dug.

Shiggy: Shweet.

Hatori: But wait…by calling me gangster, that's a dis!

Shiggy: Yep.

Haru: You! You with the tomato!

Momiji: I don't even have a tomato. But Kyo and Yuki are still making out.

Haru: I shall investigate.

Kagura: Stupid boy…stupid boy…

Hiro: Doncha have enough shoes?

Kagura: Shut up!

Kureno: Doncha have enough shoes?

Kagura: Shut up!

Hatori: I think you have enough shoes.

Kagura: Shut up!

(collective silence)

Yuki: That was special.

Haru: Hey! I thought you and Kyo were making out.

Yuki: Yeah, we were, until he went in Shigure's room and got out a pair of plastic earmuffs.

Haru: Earmuffs? Aren't you supposed to use handcuffs?

Yuki: I dunno. But Kyo seemed really gung-ho about it. Wasn't comfy, kissin' him with them on.

Haru: (sage nod) I see.

Kyo: HEY! COME BACK HERE, YUKI!!! I WASN'T DONE!!!

Yuki: GO EAT A WATERMELON, YOU _BEEEEEP_!!!

Kyo: (sniffle) THAT WAS RUDE.

Yuki: Whatever.

Kisa: What're you guys talking about?

Haru: Perverted boy stuff you don't need to worry your pretty little head about.

Kisa: D'you want me to call Shiggy-san?

Haru, Yuki: NO.

Shiggy: Did I hear my name?

Hatori: Let's pretend you didn't. Okay?

Shiggy: 'Kay.

Tohru: Fish 'n'chips 'n' vinegar, vinegar, vinegar, fish 'n' chips 'n' vinegar, pepper pepper pepper salt.

Kagura: Don't throw your trash in my backyard, my backyard, my backyard, don't throw your trash in my backyard, my backyard's full.

Tohru: One bottle a pop, two bo-

Ayame: (blatantly interrupting and flaming…at the same time…) YAM!

(stunned silence)

Yuki: Uh, hi?

Ayame: Good afternoon, my little brother! Auf Weiderchen to you all!

Momiji: You're saying it wrong.

Ayame: I don't care, it sounds exquisitely flamboyant.

Momiji: Really…?

Ayame: YES! Now, would the captive princess please make me some tea? And some cookies, you know, the ones with the little red flaky things on them?

Tohru: (sigh) Sure.

Momiji: I look to my Eskimo friend!

Random Opera Personage: LAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

(again, back in Ritsu's bar)

Ritsu: (stoned) I don't care…I DON'T CAAAAARRREEEEEE!

Random Bar People: Woot! She/he doesn't care! Woooo!

Stagger Lee: Bioshock!

Big Daddy: YOUR FACE!!!

(back in Furubaland)

Haru: Fern.

Hatori: Your mom's a fern!

Haru: That hurts, Hatori, that hurts.

Rin: I'm a flower child!

Shiggy: COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT! You can't be a flowerchild.

Rin: Why not, Mr. Know-it-all?

Shiggy: Cause you're an emo child, Miss Stinky Socks.

Rin: (gasp) How DARE thee! (slap)

Kyo: Dance, dance, falling in love with half-time…

Yuki: That deserved an appreciative silence.

(silence)

Yuki: Thanks.

Hiro: DRAB DRAB DRAB DRAB DRAB DRABBYLITIOUS DRAB DRAB BARD DRAB…

Kisa: WTF? Hiro, you're channeling me when I was in my "Kyoru" stage.

Hiro: That was a stage? Drab.

Kisa: Yes, t'was.

Hiro: (randomly smacking Ayame's nose) Gaspeth!

Ayame: Um, y'know, Hiro? That kinda hurts.

Hiro: NOT INTERESTING!

Ayame: Yeah…I think I'm starting to bleed here…

Hiro: STILL NOT INTERESTING!

Ayame: You BOOB!

Boys Everywhere: HAHAHAH!!!! He said boob!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!

Girls Everywhere: (take out bazookas and begin shooting the boys) Shut up, a-holes.

Hatori: As has been illustrated above, saying "Boob" can be hazardous to your mental and/or physical health. Thank you.

Hiro: STILL NOT EVEN INTERESTING!!!

Ayame: Fine! Smack my nose, why doncha?!

Hiro: Dammit, I will!

Kisa: Er…I'll go eat some mochi rice cakes.

Excel: LORD IL PALAZZOOOoooooooo!!!

Kakeru: She was thrown into a pit. How gaspethly horrible.

Machi: Y'know, Kakeru, you're quite an idiot.

Kakeru: Yeah, but I traverse the thin line between idiocy and happiness.

Machi: There is no line. You're an idiot. Get over it.

Kakeru: F-f-fine! (cries)

Machi: Go ahead, cry me a river!

Naohito: BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT, DAMMIT!

Kimi: Oh, the profanity. (heart❤)

Nao: Whatever.

Kimi: Nao-chan-chibi-suke, you shouldn't be so mean to Kimi. Kimi doesn't deserve it.

Nao: (getting angrier)

Kimi: Aw! Would Chibi-suke like a kiss from Kimi?

Nao: NO, DAMMIT!!!

(stunned silence)

-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-

And so the chapter is concluded

Once again…I will write another Closet Chapter, this time with alternate dimensions and random anime/manga characters who randomly poke their heads in. Muahahah.

Review?

-s-l-a-m-m-i-n'-f-l-o-w-e-r-c-h-i-l-d-


	14. The closet, again

**Furuba Insaneness: The Closet Chapter…number three.**

**What an auspicious occasion! I will now take this moment to mentally thank the reviewers, the gods of randomness, Yukiru Sugisaki-sama, and Natsuki Takaya-sama. Yes, I know they're not lords or dames or whatever, but they are manga-ka. Therefore they truly deserve the –sama honorific.**

**Thanks for listening/reading that. Anyways, moving on…**

* * *

"Crap."

"Yeah, whatever, dumb rat. You're the one that got us into this mess again."

"W-w-we're in the c-c-closet?!"

"Yes, Tohru. We're in the closet again. But the bad thing is that it's a different closet."

"A _what_??"

"Another closet. This one's in Shigure's room."

"Oh, great. Watch for any porno novels lying around."

"Hey!"

"Who invited you, Shigure?"

"It's Shiggy now! _SHIGGY_!!!"

"Alright….whatever."

"Elegala! Pass me the rope!!"

"Yes, senpai!"

"Who're you?"

"Who're you?!"

"You first."

"I'm…Excel."

"I'm Kyo. What the hell are you doing in Shigure's closet?!"

"SHIGGY!!! SHIGGY, DAMMIT!"

"…"

"Ignore him."

"Uh, I don't know…Lord Il Palazzo just sent us down the chute/pit thing…"

"Senior?"

"What?"

"Hyatt's bleeding again."

"AAHHHHH!!! THE BLOOOOD!!! I'VE GOT TO FIND SOMETHING TO-MMmmphh!!!"

"Tohru, relax."

"She'll be fine, I just need to get out of-WAHH!"

"…"

"Where'd she go?"

"Dunno. Goodbye, mysterious blonde child!"

"…"

"I want candy."

"Shut up, damn rabbit."

"Yo, watch the profanity."

"Hey, Haru."

"Nnn."

"ANGST!"

"Shut up, Kureno."

"I'm not Kureno. Kureno's a fish."

"…really."

"I'm…you'll never guess…"

"Rin?"

"…Dammit."

"Hey! Let's start a make-out scene! Yay!"

"Cool."

"…"

"…"

**POOF**.

"What the hell was that?!?!"

"**Daisuke!?!? Where are weeeee?!?!"**

"Who the hell are you!? Why is your hair purple!? Why do you have wings?!?"

"Yam."

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME, AYAME!!!!"

"O…okay?"

"**I'm Dark. Dark Mousy. Kaitou extrordinaire."**

"Right. And I'm the Queen of Sheba."

"**Oh, shut up. Where's Hiwatari?"**

"What?"

**POOF**.

"I can't take this anymore."

"Kyo…relax."

"Crap…Kaguraaaaaaaa!!!!"

"I lurve you, Kyo-kuuun!"

"I…don't…caaare!!"

"…"

"You know, I really should feel a bit of remorse for the poor guy, but I really don't care."

"You're cold, Yuki, you know that?"

"Yeah."

"…"

"…"

"Dammit, this is getting boring. Trap some more people in here, wouldya, Shigure?!"

"SHIGGY! And yes, you're right, it is somewhat obnoxiously boring."

"Hn."

"Shut up, Haru."

"Do not tell dearest Haru to shut his gob, for Haru's pronouncements are like the rays of the divine sun, shining through the atmospheric clouds to give their life-giving light to the plants and animals of our dear earth."

"What?"

"Philistine. You can't appreciate a good pronouncement of epic proportions."

"I still can't understand you."

"I bite my thumb at thee!"

"…Yam?"

"NO!"

"Hi, Onee-chan!"

"KISAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! KYAAAAA!!!"

"You know, you shouldn't get that happy over Kisa, Tohru."

"Why not?"

"Stupid woman."

"Luv you too, Hiro."

"Hiro and Ki-sa sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g…"

"(blush) SHUT UP!!!"

"You know, Hiro, it's a good thing we're in a closet, so Kisa can't see the very obvious blush on your cheeks. Oh, and down your neck, too. Ooh, your ears are getting a nice shade of crimson now. Nice."

"DAMMIT!!!"

"Hiro? Is something wrong?"

"ANGST!!!"

"…"

"S…sorry."

**FWOOOOM.**

"What the…oh, great. Something random's gonna happen. Let's see."

"That was tactful."

"Ponta-saaaan! Watch out!!"

"Master! Take it easy on that girl! She's just an entry-level exorcist!"

"MY NAME IS TOHRU!!! I'M NOT AN EXORCIST OR TERRORRIST OR ANYTHING!!! PLEASE RELEASSSEEE MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh."

"Well, Master, if you're going to attack someone, figure out who it is before you start shooting at them."

"Yo, Shintarou!"

"Yeah?"

"Go get your two-by-four. Let's beat them up."

"Hey! You've got no right!"

"Who're you?"

"I'm Yuki."

"You look rather feminine."

"I know."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Must be damaging to your self-esteem."

**FWOOOOOM.**

"What the hell?!!? Why do people keep randomly disappearing and reappearing!?!"

"Because this closet is gangsta."

"Where did you come from, Kakeru?"

"The sub-ether."

"Shut the hell up."

"YOUR FACE!"

"…"

"I'm not really sure what to say back to that."

**Booop**.

"No. Not again. Some random anime/manga character's gonna pop out of nowhere and start yelling about something. Please, Closet Gods, make it stop!! MAKE IT STOPP!!!"

"THE CULPRIT IS YOUUUUU!!!"

"(breaks down sobbing)Noooo…"

"Hey, where am I?"

"Hey, little kid! Who're you?"

"I'm Conan Edgodawa, Private Eye!"

"You mean you eye pirates?"

"…"

"Uh, no."

"Yam?"

"No, Ayame. Go back to your nagashi soumen."

"Mkay!"

"Who's that?"

"Some crazy drunk who wandered in here. So who's the culprit?"

"…Your momma."

"Shut up."

"Lion dribble!"

"…"

"No comment."

**Booop.**

"You know, that's getting slightly annoying. I really am NOT enjoying this, authoress persona. So stop the damn-"

**Kyuuuu!**

"DAMNIT!!!"

"Rikuo-saaaan??"

"Who the hell are you?!"

"I'm…well, I'm not supposed to give out my name to-"

"JUST TELL US!!"

"Yam."

"…"

"Ayame, that was incredibly inappropriate."

"I AM AKITO!!! THE ZODIAC MASTERRRRR!!!"

"Nice proclamation, Akito. Congrats."

"Now go away."

"…"

"Uh, I'm still here, ya know…have any of you seen a tall, freaky-lookin' guy?"

"You mean Hatori?"

"…no."

"Let go of me, Momiji."

"Fine! Be that way!"

"Gaspeth, it's a lover's tiff!"

"Uh…you guys…are really freakin' me out…"

"Kazahaya! Where were you?"

"Over here…"

"Come on, we've gotta go."

"Uh, what was the word again?"

"Kyuu."

"Right."

**KYUUU!!**

"They're gone."

"…"

"My name's Ren. What's yours, insignificant being?"

"It's Rin, you dobe/ bia-tch!"

"Gaspeth! How offensive!!"

**Poofla.**

"Sheshiro-saaaan!!"

"Ow! I'm not Sheshiro!"

"Oh, pardon me. I'm Subaru Sumeragi. Sorry for bumping into you."

"Uh, yeah. Um, why are you here?"

"In my closet?"

"Shut up, Shiggy."

"Yay! He called me Shiggy!!"

"SHAADUP!"

"Mkay…"

"Well, I was trying to cast a binding charm on Sheshiro Sakurazukamori, but he got awaaaayy."

"Uh, congrats?"

"Congrats indeed."

"Well, uh, can you get yourself outta here?"

"Yep."

**Poofla.**

"Damn, I'm getting a headache."

"Someone open the door!! PLEASE!!!"

"Damn rat."

"Stupid cat."

"PORN!"

"Shut up, Shigure."

"…dammit…"

---

Narrator's Voice: And so the hapless characters were set free from the closet of Doom.

Kyo: SO DAMN STUPID!!!

Yuki: He's describing himself.

Kyo: RAWR! (launches on Yuki)

Yuki: Hentai.

Kyo: (even madder) I'LL STICK MY HAND THROUGH YOUR EAR AND MAKE YOUR TEETH RATTLE!!!

---

**Characters from other manga in order of appearance:**

**Excel, Hyatt, and Elegala from Excel Saga;**

**Dark/Daisuke from DNAngel;**

**Shintarou, Ponta-san, and Shintarou's Dad from Kanpai!;**

**Conan Edgodawa from Case Closed/ Detective Conan Edgodawa;**

**Kazahaya and Rikuo from Legal Drug;**

**And Subaru Sumeragi from Tokyo Babylon/X/1999.**

**---**

**Thanks for reading this steaming pile of _beep_.**

**It sucked this time around…I need more randomness.**

**Review!**


	15. In which beastly is said too often

Furuba Insaneness Chapter…oh, crap. I forget which chappie it is…so…

This chapter has been brought to you by several sponsors:  
The Backspace Key;  
Death Cab For Cutie songs;  
Radiohead's album In Rainbows;  
and the laptop I'm currently typing this on.

Thanks to all reviewers, we've got over eighty…almost ninety…I've never gotten so many reviews for one fic! I'm a very happy fox-eared fangirl.

---

Yuki: Beastly!

Kyo: WTF?

Haru: He said "Beastly!".

Kyo: Oh, really?

Shiggy: I'm going to become a nun!

Hatori: (silence)

Yuki: You have to be a girl to be a nun.

Shiggy: Well, I'll cross-dress like Ritsu!

Akito: Shiggy! Kiss me!

Shiggy: Alright then… (kisses)

Hatori: That was a PDA.

Akito: A who-what-where?

Hatori: A Public Display of Affection. (walks off in a huff)

Tohru: Fishtastic! It's so very deliciousnessnessness!  
Uo: Uh, Tohru? You've had coffee this morning, haven't you.

Tohru: Coffee is my lifeblood! Energyyyyyyyyyy!!!! (does a little dance)

Hanajima: Tomato.

Megumi: Emo tomato.

Hinata: Popopopopopo!

Hiro: Aww…Little gurgles!!(smiles)

Kisa: (sweatdrop) Uh…congrats?

Momiji: I'm secretly a triangle lawyer.

Hiro: Gaspeth, that's so gangsta!

Haru: Someone smells like dirty cabbage.

(silence)

Tohru: TOMATO!

Akito: Zestful…Zestfully clean! Zestfully clean! You're not clean unless you're Zestfully clean!

(silence)

Yuki: (cough) Moving on…

Kyo: I've captured a mountain.

Yuki: Let's go settle it!

Kyo: Shweet! (walk out)

Lillian: FLARF! (disappears)

Momiji: There are many wormholes in our Furuba world…people just keep poppin' in and out…

Kisa: Kotatsu?

Rin: Whatever. You all suck…except for Haru. Paku.

Shiggy: The pen is mightier than the sword.

Rin: (sigh) Leave me alone, crazy perv guy.

Shiggy: I went to perv rehab! I'm not pervy anymore!

Rin: Like I believe you. Go make out with Akito, you idiot.

Shiggy: Fine! Be that way!

Rin: Watch me!

Haru: What's happenin'?

Rin: (turns into a Haru fangirl) Squee! Hubby!

Haru: Uh, Y'know, we're not married yet. Kinda strange to call me your… "hubby."

Rin: Squee, whatever.

Haru: (sighs in defeat) Fine.

Momiji: I shall CONCUR MY FEARRRRR!!!

Hatori:…con…grats?

Momiji: (does a little dance) WOO!

Good Charlotte: (sings)

Momiji: AAHHHH!!! IT'S THOSE SINGER PEOPLE WHOSE NAMES I CAN'T RECALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

Hatori: Hug?

Momiji: Squee! (hug)

Ayame: Squee indeed, my pint-sized rabbity cousin! I, Ayame, who is first in affection for all rat-possessed little brothers everywhere, am currently seeking my dear _frere_ Yuki! Does anyone know where he could be hiding from his loving elder brother?

Momiji: Aaya, you took up an entire paragraph.

Ayame: Yes, I'm aware.

Momiji: Well, Yuki and Kyo are making out on the top of a mountain.

Aaya: (gasps) Gasp! I must save them!! (runs off)

Momiji: Well, that got rid of him.

Hatori: That was cold-hearted, Momiji.

Kyo: (on the top of a mountain, making out with Yuki) Mmmnnn…

Yuki: Squee-tastic! Okay, I wanna sit up.

Kyo: Mkay.

Ayame: (suddenly appears) YUUUUUKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!! I didn't know you played for the _other_ team!!!

Yuki: What are you babbling about _now_?

Aaya: Your face.

Yuki: (silence) Go away.

Kyo: (dancing) Woooo.

Hatori: ひかりのつばさ。

Yuki: How'd you learn to pronounce that so damn well?

Hatori: Hi. Ka. Ri. No. Tsu. Ba. Sa.

Yuki: Uh…fish?

Hatori: (sighs) It means Wings of Light.

Yuki: Spiffy.

Kyo: Zestfully spiffy.

Yuki: CAPTAIN KIRK!

Kyo: Yes, Wing Master.

Hatori: (slowly backs away)

Momiji: をーお!!

(stunned silence)

Aaya: Whatever.

Rin: That's my line, bi-atch.

Aaya: You wanna take this outside?!

Rin: We ARE outside! HAHAHAHA!

Hatori: (butts in) YOUR _FACE_ IS OUTSIDE!!!

(stunned stunned _stunned _silence)

Ren: Hatori? It's time for the nice people to take you back to the hospital.

Hatori: Damn. (walks off)

Yuki: That was…odd.

Akito: Hey, Shigure?

Shiggy: It's Shiggy. What?

Akito: I want some Dairy Queen.

Shiggy: (sighs) Look, Akito, I thought we went over this. Dairy Queen is an _obsession_. Obsessions are _bad_. Got it?

Akito: (shakes head) I wanna Blizzard.

Shiggy: Well, I wanna go look at high school girls, but you don't see me doing that, now do you?

Akito: Then why are you staring at Tohru?

Shiggy: Um, I was staring at Tohru?!

Akito: Yes, you were. Shame, Shigure.

Shiggy: It's _SHIGGY._

Akito: Yes, yes, whatever you say…Shigure.

Shiggy: (has a fit) GAHH!

Haru: (walks over) Beastly.

Yuki: Aargh…Haru, we already _finished_ saying beastly.

Haru: Really?

Yuki: Yes, really.

Haru: Well, then I'm going to go paint my nails blue. (skips around)

Momiji: SIDLE!

(silence)

Yuki: Um, good for you?

Momiji: Nooo…I'm being _sneaky_. (nudge nudge)

Yuki: (confuzzled) …

Kyo: I'm going to EAT THAT DAMN RABBIT!!! ALL YOU DAMN RODENTS, RUINING MY DAY!!!

Momiji: Squee! (runs away)

Kyo: RAAAWWWRRRRR!!! (chases)

Kakeru: (completely oblivious to all background hubbub) Hey, Yun-Yun!!

Yuki: (looks up in agony) What.

Kakeru: I'm going to turn Kimi into a sock. Cool, hey?

Kimi: (in a French accent) Super cool!

Yuki: (silence)

Kakeru: Why the extreme anger, Yun-Yun?

Yuki: You. Are. An. Idiot.

Machi: Ooh! Ooh! I know that song! (sings) You are an id-i-ot, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa…

Yuki: (sweatdrop) Ookay, Machi. I get the point.

Kakeru: Where's your brother?

Yuki: Over there somewhere.

(over there somewhere)

Ayame: So, I was saying, I said to Calastros, I said, "Calastros," I said, and he said, "Aaya," he said, and I said, "Hi," and he said, "Hi," and I said, I said, "Fish," and he said, "Tomato," and then he-

Kakeru: TALL YUKI LOOK-ALIKE WHOSE NAME ESCAPES MEEEEE!!!!

Ayame: SHORT BLACK-HAIRED PERSONNAGE WHO THINKS I'M A GANGSTA!!!!

Kakeru: You _are_ so gangsta. Believe in yourself, man!

Ayame: (sniff) I WILL!

Shiggy: (sweatdrop) Don't break my house.

Ayame: Oh? Okay. (breaks Shiggy's house)

Shiggy: DAMMIT, AAYA!!!

Kakeru: Ooh, you're in for it now, tall guy.

Ayame: You know, by international standards, I'm not that tall.

Hinata: Bluurrb.

Hiro: (gasps) She almost said "boob!"  
(instant silence)

Fangirls: HOW DARE THEE UTTER THE CURSED WORD, PUNY MORTAL?!?!

Hiro: (quakes in fear) Have mercy, Fangirls!

Fangirls: GET US SOME POCKY!!!

Hiro: 'Kay! (runs off to get some Pocky)

Pocky: (quakes in fear)

Yuki: You know, Kyo, that I really, really, really-

Momiji: -want to have a lemon with you?!

Yuki/Kyo: (evil death glare)

Momiji: What? What? Why the extreme anger?

Kyo: I'm going to boot your butt to rabbit Heaven.

Hatori: I'm going to stick my hand into your mouth through your ear and throttle your optic nerve!

Kyo: WTF?

Hatori: You heard me…you're just not cool enough to understand me.

Yuki: Hatori, are you okay?

Hatori: No, I'm having "Over-stressed Doctor Syndrome."

Yuki: Is that supposed to make sense?!

---

Review?

I'm going to make homemade Pocky for Valentine's Day. Gangsta!


	16. What?

Furuba Insaneness…oh, god, it's the 16th chappie and still going strong. We've got 99 reviews presently. I'm in awe. People are actually reviewing this insane, random crackfic, and they _like_ it. (except for Flame Rising. Whatever.)

As long as people keep reviewing, I'll keep writing. Capiche? Capiche.

---

Narrator: In a land called Japan, in a galaxy far, far away…

Kyo: Who invited you?

Narrator: I'm the…(dramatic pause) narrator.

Kyo: (Sweatdrop) Uh, congrats? Now get out of this fic.

Narrator: Fine! I can see I'm not wanted here! (walks away)

Yuki: YOU AREN'T!

Momiji: (hops up) Hey, Yuki?

Yuki: Hnnn.

Momiji: I'm going to sing you a song. (sings) Everyone loves Magical Trevor/ Cause the tricks that he does are ever so clever/look at him now, disappearing a cow/where is the cow? Hidden right now!

Hatori: (pops up) Disclaimer: Neither Momiji or Daisukeismyboyfriend own the Magical Trevor song. Weebl's Stuff does. Checkitout. (pops down)

Yuki: Momiji, you just wasted a minute of my life.

Momiji: (faints in agony) Noooooo…

Kyo: Let's find a Spice Girls CD and put it on outside of Shigure's room, see what he does. Kay?

Yuki: 'Kay!

Kyo/Yuki: (lugging huge stereo to Shigure's door) Shhhhhhh!

Shiggy: (snoring)

Kyo: Ready?

Yuki: Yep. Go!

Stereo: (extremely loud and obnoxious) SOOOO TELL ME WHAT YA WANTWHATCHAREALLYREALLYWANTI'LL TELLYAWHATIWANTWHATIREALLYREALLYWANTIWANNA(HUH) IWANNA(HUH) IWANNAREALLYREALLYREALLYWANNAZIGUZAGAH…

Shiggy: WTF?!?!

Kyo/Yuki: (laughing hysterically at the sight of Shigure in his Hello Kitty pj's)

Shiggy: AAHHH! It's the SPICE GIRLS!!!!! (madly thwacks stereo with a baseball bat)

Stereo: (dies)…

Ayame: (comes through Shiggy's door) Hello, my insane Spice-Girl hating cousins! And my amazing younger brother, who shines happiness like our radiant sun! Yam!

Kyo: Hullo, Aaya.

Yuki:…Wait a minute. How did you come out of Shiggy's room without us hearing you get in?

Shiggy: (coughs) Ayame was here last night…and this morning.

Yuki/Kyo: (silence)…wait…EEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Kyo: So you _are_ gay!

Ayame: What horrible, dirty minds you have! I was helping Shiggy proofread his latest novella!

Yuki/Kyo: (relieved sigh) O…okay then. You scared us.

Tohru: (comes in with croissants) What was all that noise, Sohma-kun?

Yuki: Shigure-

Shiggy: _SHIGGY._

Yuki: Fine, Shiggy…had a bit of a strange wake-up call.

Tohru: That explains the Spice Girls music…Oh, hello Ayame-san!

Ayame: Hello, dearest Tohru-chan! How has the day been for you and your fantastic cooking, cleaning, and generally being a maid to these spoiled boys?

Tohru: Excellent!

Ayame: (sweatdrop) Good for you, Captive Princess!

Hiro/Kisa: WHERE THE HELL IS MOMIJI?!?

Kyo: I don't know. Here's a Momiji Locator®.

Hiro/Kisa: Shweet. (run off)

Kagura: (running madly around the house) CONFIDENTIAL. CONFIDENTIAL. CONFIDENTIAL.

Rin: (catches Kagura by the scruff of her neck) STOP. SAYING. CON. FID. ENT. IAL. GOT IT?!

Kagura: Si, mon soeur.

Rin: (sighs) I'm not your sister. I'm your _cousin_. Got it?

Kagura: Yeah, I guess. Let's go bug Kyo.

Rin: You can have Kyo all to yourself…you seen Haru anywheres?

Kagura: He got lost in the supermarket.

Rin: And you didn't _help him_ because?!

Kagura: I wanted to go annoy Kyo!

Rin: (slaps herself in the forehead) Gah. Why are all my relatives idiots except for Haru?

(meanwhile, at the grocery store)

Haru: Hey, cashier guy? Do you know how to get to the Sohma house from here?

Cashier guy: Three left turns. And a bottle of rum.

Haru: 'Kay. Thanks. (walks outside, smack into Rin.) Ah!

Rin: Ow. Hey! I'll take you home.

Haru: AAAAAGONNNYYYY!!!! OH THE TORTURES THEY TEAAAACH…

Tohru: (suddenly appears) Why are you singing a song from Into the Woods?

Haru: 'Cos I can.

(back with Hiro/Kisa/the Momiji Locator®.)

Hiro: Kisa! Do you see that? (points to something on the locator)

Kisa: Gasp! It's a chibi rabbit…which means Momiji must be…

Both: RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!

Momiji: (weirded out, right in front of them) Hi!

Kisa: Yay! We found you, Momiji-chan!

Hiro: Yep. We've got to thank Kyo for this spiffy Momiji Locator®.

Momiji: So why were you guys needing to find me in the first place?

Kisa: Oh, we were bored.

Momiji: (sigh) Alright. Let's do something!

(they go off and…do something.)

Ayame: SHIGGYYYY!!!!

Shiggy: (wakes up) Nnnnmnnnn…Aaya, what are you doing here so early?

Aaya: It's two in the afternoon, Shiggy.

Shiggy: (gasps) Oh dear! This isn't goooood!

Hatori: (comes in) Time for your hypodermic. Muha, hua, hua, huaaaa.

Shiggy: (quivers in fear) Oh dear, I'm quivering! Help, Aaya! Save me from the sadistic seahorse-doctor!!!

Hatori: Hy-YA! (sticks a needle in Shiggy's arm)

Shiggy: (passes out)

Aaya: Tori? Is he dead?

Hatori: No, just passed out.

Aaya: Oh, okay.

(silence)

Ritsu: I…AM…SO…SOOOOORRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! I HAVE MADE A SILENCE APPEAR OUT OF THIN AIR, INTERRUPTING THE EXCHANGE BETWEEN AAYA AND HATORIIIIII!!!! I MUST BEEEE THROOOWN INTOOO A FUNERALLLL PYYYYYRE!!!!! PLEEAAAASSEE RENNNDDERRRR JUUDDGGGGEEEMMMEEEEEENNNNTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!

Yuki: Ritsu, you're rather loud.

Ritsu: I know.

Kyo: I'm wearing knee-socks! Awesome, much?

Yuki: I'm going to steal those socks from you. And then I'm going to wear my mom's fancy poky shoes.

Kyo: Poky? Like Pokèmon?

Yuki: No. Poky, like this. (pokes Kyo)

Kyo: Aaaah. Now I get it.

Kagura: (breaks in through the front door) CONFIDENTIAL!!! …Kyo!!! (tackles Kyo)

Kyo: (crying) Why do I deserve this? What did I do, God?!

Kakeru: (appears along with Machi) Woo…Wow, Kyon-Kyon! You have a girlfriend!

Kyo: DON'T CALL ME THAT!!! AND SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!

Kagura: But I will be…

Kyo: RAWR!!!!!

Yuki: Hullo, Kakeru. What brings you here?

Kakeru: Yun-Yun! I was just walking along, when a freak wormhole opened and deposited me on your doorstep. So I apparated in here. Weird Fishies!

Machi: Same here. Hey, Yun-Yun.

Yuki: Even you've started calling me that?

Kakeru: Isn't it cute? Like a panda.

Machi: Hey, look! Cats!

Kyo: (jumps) Oh, right. Cats.

Cats: (nestled on Kyo's shoulders, and hair, and everywhere else that they could be nestled) MEOW!

Kagura: Awww…so kawaii…

Puu-Puu bears: (see Excel Saga anime…I _think_ they're called Puu-Puus…well, they're really cute.) Hey! We're more kawaii than those kittens!

Kagura: (throws random heavy object at the bears)

Puu-Puus: AAAAHHHH!!! SPACE BUTLERRRR!!!

Momiji: (jumps in) RECKONER!

(stunned silence)

Machi: Where do all your relatives _come_ from?!

Kakeru: Oh, Yun-Yun, let me explain. (to Machi) You see, Machi, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very very much…

Machi: Shut up…I meant, how do they just appear?!

Yuki: Eddies in the space-time continuum.

Machi: Is he?

Yuki:…What?

Machi: Eddy. He's in the space-time thingummy.

Yuki: That's not what I meant. (sweatdrop)

Kakeru: Anyway, thanks for the explanation, Yuki…but we must be off.

Machi: "We"?

Kakeru: Yes. Come along. (leaves)

Machi: (sighs, leaves)

(back to Haru and Rin)

Rin: So, Haru…what's up?

Haru: The sky, that cloud, that tree over there…

Rin: Yep. 'Tis truth.

Naohito: Rin! You look like a lawyer!

Rin: How dare thee call me a lawyer, hoe! Let's fight this out right nao…Nao!

Nao: BRING IT, SISTAH!

(fighting starts)

Haru: I'll just go annoy Sensei's editor. Seeya, Rin.

Rin: ARRGH!!!! 'Kay!

(later)

Mine: Aaaaayaaaaaaa?!?

Ayame: I am here, my dearest Mine-chan! Do not fear, for I, with my long Tresemme-conditioned locks and my bravery, am here to protect you!

Mine: Cool, boss. Where's Outouoto (this is a REALLY bad spelling, people)-kun doing?

Ayame: My petit frere is currently ramming his head into a stout oak tree. That's got to be painful.

Mine: (winces)

Kyo: (attacks Yuki) YOU'VE JUST BEEN PUNK'D!!!

Yuki: WTF?!?

Kyo: (wearing a trucker hat, of all things) That's right! You've just been Punk'd! Say it to the camera!!

Yuki: (to camera) I've…just…been…Punk'd?

Kyo: OH YEAHHHHH!!!!!

(stunned silence as Kyo dances around)

Yuki: Kyo?

Kyo?

Yuki: Lay off the drugs, man.

Kyo: No worries!! (still dancing, however)

Yuki: You obviously don't know what I'm talking about. (sighs, and walks away.)

(Back with Hiro and Kisa)

Hiro: Kisa!

Kisa: Hiro!

Momiji: WTF?

Hiro: Oh, Momiji…you need to get used to being the third wheel. 'Cause you know you've got no girlfriend.

Kisa: Maybe you can hook up with Kagura!

Kagura/Momiji: No. Frickin'. Way.

---

And so it ends.

…

For now, anyway. Ha, I scared you. Well, as always, I'd appreciate the 100th review (100 reviews!! PAAAARRRRTTTAAAYYYY!!!) and the 101st, and the 102nd, and so on, and so on…

Hugs to everyone.

Cookies, cake, the movie Hot Rod, the musical Into the Woods (I'm Milky White! Gangsta!), beanbag chairs, and lotsa popcorn to my sparkly reviewers of sparklyness.

Fish to flamers. Ha. Undercooked fish. (cackles insanely)

I'm babbling. Aaaagain.

-Blake

-aishiterustaggerlee-

"A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere…"


	17. I've been verbally molested

**Furuba Insaneness.**

**I'm so insanely happy! I have over 100 reviews!! My life's work is complete!! **

…**now let's try for 200, neh? **

**This chapter is brought to you by:  
Radiohead's In Rainbows;  
Kaiser Chief's Ruby;  
The absence of my little sister;**

**Boredom;  
My iPod.**

**Enjoy.**

---

Kyo: Gnarly!

Yuki: What's gnarly?

Kyo: You didn't see Shishou do that awesome nollie?

Yuki: Uh…no. What's a nollie?

Kyo: I don't know, some skateboarding term. Gangsta.

Tohru: How cool desu!

Kyo: (sweatdrop) …What?

Tohru: Nollies desu! They're so cool desu!

Akito: (flies in via wire) BOW DOWN TO MEE3EEEE!!!1!!!!!!!eleven!!!

(collective sweatdrop)

Kyo: Akito, we didn't ask for you to fly through the window screaming nonsensical commands. Go away.

Akito: I am the queen/king of angst. Therefore you should have some angsty respect for me.

Yuki: You made Ritsu into a blubbering idiot. No.

Akito: Be that way! (walks out)

Yuki: I will, dammit!

Tohru: I'm going to find Kisa desu!

Yuki: …uh…

Tohru: What's wrong desu? Is my excessive use of desu getting on your nerves desu?

Yuki: Yes. Quit it.

Tohru: Sorry desu! I've signed a solemn oath that says that I must say desu after every sentence desu!

Yuki: (boots Tohru out the window)

Tohru: AAAHHHHHHHHHHH-desu!!!!!!!

Hatori: (runs in) Save my tea from Shigure.

Shiggy: IT'S SHIGGY!!!

Hatori: Crapola!

Yuki: did you just add the word crap to the word ola?

Hatori: Yes, I did. I'm just awesome like that.

Hiro: (magically appears) So you're awesome, huh? Well, I hate people who are so stuck up that they can't recognize the other awesome people out there. You're so vain and conceited, you shouldn't even be able to say that you're awesome. You need to be more humble! …Wait…I hate humble people too! Whatever, I hate you. Now go away.

Hatori: (does so)

Aaya: That was amazing, my dear Hiro-kun! What amount of inspiration it must have taken for you to reach into the great oblivion and pull out such an amazing insult! (notices Yuki) Yuki! Mon _frere magnifique_! How are you on this fine random day, in the place where we are standing?! I have brought with me some delightful libations and even more delightful foods that I have procured fresh from the vine! Please, younger brother, help yourself until you cannot eat any longer, and then by all means thank me for this wonderful repast!

Kyo: (reels in agony) Holy crap. That was just _illegal_.

Aaya: Oh, hullo Kyonkitchi.

Kyo: DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!

Aaya: I'll call you what I wish, Kyonkichi.

Kyo: (with manga vein) Quit. It.

Yuki: Aaya, why are you here?

Aaya: Oh, right. I came to give Hatori's tea to Shiggy-san.

Shiggy: Gangsta! Thanks for the tea.

Aaya: No prob. Let's go have some soba!

Shiggy: Sure thing! (they walk off)

Haru: Sigh. What's happenin'?

Yuki: I've just been verbally molested by my older brother.

Haru: That sucks.

Yuki: You're tellin' me.

Haru: So what's happenin', Kyo?

Kyo: …uuuhngh…

Haru: (shoots Skeptical Look at Yuki)

Yuki: What? It wasn't me! It was Ayame. And Shigu-

Shiggy: SHIGGY!

Yuki: (sweatdrops) Shiggy.

Haru: Wow. You guys lead an action-packed lifestyle.

Yuki: Duh. It's part of the job description.

Kisa: Where's Onee-chan?

Kyo: I pushed her out the window.

Kisa: Gasp!

Kyo: Spiffytastic.

Yuki: I'm not even worthy of saying anything to that.

Kyo: I'm just that cool.

Haru: Whatev. I'm gonna go find Rin.

Yuki: You do that.

Haru: Watch me!

Yuki: (sighs) So what's happenin', Kyo?

Kyo: I've been standing beside you for the last fifteen minutes. Nothing, Yuki, nothing. Just walk away. Yes, that's an order.

Momiji: (runs in) Journalistic ethics!!

Kyo: Uh, what?

Momiji: You heard me! Journalistic ethics! It's my new class! I'm using way too many exclamation points! But that's okay! Because I'm Momiji! And I'm EXCITED!!!

Kyo: (reels) Take a chill pill, kid. And quit it with the exclamation marks, or else I'll send Shigur-

Shiggy: _SHIGGY!!_

Kyo: Okay, Shiggy after you. That's no empty threat. You'd best be scared out of your spiffy socks.

Momiji: Oh, but these socks are spiffy. See, they've got a separate little toe-y thing so I can wear them with flip-flops!

Kyo: Exclamation. And why would you wear socks with flip-flops?

Momiji: Because it's fashionable in Germany…exclamation point.

Kyo: Better. Go find Tohru.

Momiji: KK! (runs off)

(With Hiro, Kisa, and Ritsu)

Kisa: Oh dear! Onee-chan seems to have gone missing!

Hiro: (under his breath) Good riddance…

Kisa: Gasp! With my super-sensitive tiger ears, I heard that! SHAAAAME, HIRO!

Ritsu: Did I offend you with my very presence?

Shiggy: (pops in) Yes.

Ritsu: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I'M SO SOOORRRYYYY!!! IT IS MY FAULT FOR TROUBLING YOU WITH MY SOCIAL BLUNDERS!!!! PLEAAASSEEE REGARD ME KINNNDDLYYYYY!!!

Hiro: WTF? Ritsu, go cuddle something.

Ritsu: (sniff) okay. Where's a cuddleable thing?

Hiro: (points at random inanimate object) There.

Ritsu: (begins to cuddle random object that Hiro has indicated)

(With the Mabudachi Trio)

Hatori: Why do you two always insist on coming over to my office and wrecking the centrifuge?

Shiggy: Because we're just that cool.

Aaya: Indeed, Shiggy! Due to our imminent "coolness", we are able to destroy anything in your poor helpless office, Tori-san! I, Ayame, will do anything in my power to de-stress you while we are demolishing your equipment!

Hatori: Just get me some tea.

Aaya: But of course I will make you some of my special tea! None but you, Akito, and Shiggy-san are able to drink it…made with my boundless love!

Hatori: My ears are bleeding.

(in the Emo/Angsty corner, with Rin, Akito, Ren, Kureno, and other angst-lovers)

Akito: So what's happenin'?

Rin: I'm annoyed that you cut off my hair.

Akito: Serves you right, biatch!

Ren: Whoa, ladies. Settle down. If you don't, we'll be stuck in the Emo Corner for eternity!

Kureno: (in a Star Fox voice) Mission, complete!

(collective Kureno-directed sweatdrop)

Akira: (ghosty) Liiiistennn tooo myyyy diiiviiiineee iinnnstttrruuuuuuccctioooonnnnsssss.

Ren: Hey!

Akito: Daddy-san!

Ren: Shut up. He's my husband.

Akito: Well he's _my_ daddy!

Ren: You wanna take it outside?

Akito: BRINGIT!

(stunned silence)

Rin: Whatever. Where's Haru?

Kureno: He's outside the Emo Corner. (in Spongebob voice) I'm READY!

Rin: (sweatdrop) Ok. I'm breaking outta here. (breaks out with her amazing horsey powers)

Haru: Hi.

Rin: Squee!

Haru: I see you've gotten over your angstyness.

Rin: No, I'm just excited that I get to see you after approximately six hours.

Haru: Gasp!

Uo: (gets Haru in a headlock, and somehow he doesn't transform) Your hair is fluffy.

Rin: (clears throat) AHEM.

Uo: Oh, is he your man?

Rin: Yep.

Uo: K. Have him back. I'm gonna go find Kureno…

Rin: He's in the Emo Corner.

Uo: Gasp…what'd he do?

Rin: He and Akito were angsty. So the Mighty Will of the Cosmos (aka the Authoress) stuck them in the Emo/Angsty Corner.

Uo: That sucks. Hey…where's Hanajima?

Haru: (sighs) Probably flirting with Shishou.

(with Shishou, Hana, Tohru, and…someone else…)

Hana: Hi Kazuma-san!

Kazuma: Hey. Hi, Tohru!

Tohru: Hi, desu!!

(collective Tohru-directed sweatdrop)

Hana: So whatcha cooking, Kazuma-san?

Kazuma: Food. Well, it _was_ food.

Tohru: Really desu? That sucks desu. You're a really bad cook desu.

Hiro: (appears, and begins to strangle Tohru) QUIT SAYING DESU, AMA!!!

Hana: How dare you cuss Tohru out in Japanese! I shall wave-curse thou!

Hiro: (screams)

Megumi: And I will eat some sukiyaki. That's right. Su-ki-ya-ki.

Hana: Megumi, go home so you don't have to see a make-out session. You too, Tohru.

Tohru: Kk desu!

Kazuma: Make-out sess-Mmmph!!

Hana: (kissing Kazuma)

(back with Kyo, Yuki, and Haru)

Kyo: Where'd Rin go?

Haru: She disappeared.

Yuki: Let's play tic-tac-toe.

Haru: (does so)

Yuki …I…so…PWNED YOU!!!

Kyo: That reminds me. Why does pwned mean owned?

Yuki: Same reason ZOMG came into existence…

Haru/Yuki: A typo.

Kyo: I see. So n00b is a typo too?

Haru: No, that's just a fact of life. Get used to it.

Kyo: That really sucks.

Rin: (appears) You know what?

Haru: What.

Rin: I have to write a stinkin' DBQ for history.

Kyo: Darn, that sucks.

Mayu: (appears) It's not my fault. Look in the curriculum…

Rin: (looks) GASP!! We have to write 6 of these?!?!

Mayu: (nods)

Rin: (attacks Hiro's face)

Hiro: (screams in agony) GET OFF MY FAAACEEEEE!!!

Rin: WRITE A DBQ FOR ME THEN!!!

Hiro: FINE!!!!!

Haru: Eleven.

Yuki: You're even more stoic than usual. So what's bugging you, Haru?

Kyo: No way…that _rhymed._

Yuki: You're right for once. It did. Huh.

Haru: Uh, it didn't really rhyme. Just…uh…never mind.

Yuki: Let's go find Ayame and cut his hair.

Kyo: (cackles evilly) Yes.

(Back with the Mabudachi Trio)

Aaya: I dare say that this may be the most amazing, perfectly fantastic day of my twenty-something years on this glorious planet who has been so appropriately named Earth!

Shiggy: Congrats.

Yuki: (hidden in an air vent, whispering to Kyo) Ready?

Kyo: When you are…

Yuki: (lowers himself down behind Aaya)

Aaya: (back kicks Yuki in the crotch)

Yuki: (falls over in agony) OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

Aaya: You see, my little brother, I am a ninja. You mustn't sneak up behind me, or I will, to put it crassly, kick you in your balls. So don't do that. Why do you have those scissors, anyway? …Wait…scissors…Gasp! You were going to cut my beautiful Tressemme-conditioned locks! Of love! How dare thee, Yuki! I can forgive you for almost anything, but this…is one of the Unforgivable Curses!

Kyo: CRUCIO!!

Hatori: WTF?

Kyo: You've obviously never read Harry Potter.

Shiggy: Of course not! We have no Harry Potter in Furubaland, just Mogeta and old Japanese cookbooks!

Momiji: Tomatoes make me happy!

Ren: You know what else makes you happy?

Momiji: What?

Ren: Crack.

Momiji: That was inappropriatado.

Ren: Well, I'm inappropriatado.

Kyo: Where'd you two appear from?

Momiji: I came from the magical land of pterodactyls…

Ren: I came from the Emo Corner.

Kyo: I see.

Megumi: I see your FACE!

(silence)

Ren: Who invited you to this party?

Megumi: Momo.

Momiji: Gasp! No way!

Momo: You want some ice for that burn?! OH SNAP!!!

(silence)

Momiji: Momo…why don't you go elope with Megumi, 'kay?

Megumi: Psychic hamburgers!

Kyo: …what?

Hatori: Nnnnggh.

Shiggy: Haaaatooorrriii…Let's go to Candy Mountain, 'Toriiiii…

Hatori: No. You're going to lure me into some cave, where some random thing's gonna steal my kidney. Not cool.

Shiggy: When do you have time to go on Youtube?!

Hatori: (flashbacks)

(cut to Hatori on his computer…in paragraphs!)

Hatori clicked slyly on the link. Looking around, to be sure no one was near, he pressed the "Play" button.

"PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWITHABASEBALLBAT! PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWITHABASEBALLBAT!!!"

He sat back and resisted the urge to dance along with that addicting little maraca-toting banana.

(end of paragraphs/flashback)

Hatori: (unflashbacks) Good times.

Shiggy: You were flashbacking, weren't you?

Akito: Standard deviation? Bananas in pyjamas? Your mommy?

All Except Akito: YOU SUCK.

(silence)

Momo: Kiss me again, Megumi!

Megumi: Wait 'till I finish my ice cream.

---

That was a very satisfying chapter. I think I cracked myself up a couple times writing this…but the next chapter…will be even more randomly hilarious. Oh, the hilarity. Oh, I've got to find some Weird Al songs and listen to them for inspiration. Like…Albuquerque. Yeah…

I'm babbling again. Well, thanks for reading.  
Ama equals slut.

I have a pair of socks just like Momiji's. Aren't they gangster? . 

"I've just been verbally molested by my older brother." XD

It's not often that I crack myself up over my own crackfics. Wow.

Reviews will be cuddled by Ritsu. And reviewers will be given flowers.


	18. Closet chapter 4

**The Closet Chapter…woo, woo, woo…part 4.**

**Gangsta!**

**This chapter has been officially rated PG-11 because I wanted to write some of the more explicit stuff that my friends randomly think of. If you don't like swearing, ignore it.**

---

"Crap. We're stuck in the closet again."

"Damn rat…You keep making me angry, and then Tohru tries to break the fight up, and then we get pushed by Shigure into the closet."

"…"

"Where is Shigure, anyway?"

"He's obviously not in the closet right now."

"They call me the beef bastard."

"Haru?"

"Hm, yeah?"

"Oh. Just making sure you're here."

"Where's Tohru?"

"She's engaged in a make-out session with Kyo."

"Mmmhph desu!"

"Yep."

"…"

"Where's everyone else?"

"Shiggy's busy distributing a memo to everyone that we're in the magical warping closet."

"This is the magical warping closet!"

"No. It's the normal one. Which is why no one else is here."

"That's funny."

"Le gasp! Who should I see in front of me but my handsomely dashing younger brother! We must share this day together as brothers, and speak slowly and leisurely! Karma has fallen into my favor! Yes, Yuki, there are only three men in this world that would go to such lengths to find their younger brothers in this strange maze of closets, but I, Ayame, am first among the list!"

"My ears are bleeding."

"Oh dear, and who has made this epic pronouncement but Kyonkitchi…"

"SHUT UP, DAMN SNAKE!"

"That hurt…"

"You want some ice for that burn!"

"…"

"Desu."

"GodDAMMIT, Tohru, quit _saying_ that!"

"Okay, Kyo! Desu."

"(anger plus sign)"

"Sorry!"

"Much better. So what's up, Haru?"

"I've been trying to find Rin."

"Why?"

"So I can ride her."

"I hope you mean literally riding, like turning her into a horse, and not the dirty-minded way that that could've been taken."

"I mean it the second way."

"…"

"Goddammit, Haru! Get out of this closet with that disgustingly perverted mind of yours!"

"Did you morph into Aaya halfway through that statement?"

"I think I did. I've never said anything like that before."

"Wow."

"You said it."

"…"

"SHIGGY HAS ARRIVED!"

"…"

"Gosh, thanks for the welcome, guys. It took me long enough to find the right closet."

"You could've just opened the door and let us out, you know."

"That takes away all the fun. Doesn't it, Aaya?"

"Speaking of fun…didn't we have some last night, 'Gure?"

"My heart will always be full of your love, Aaya…"

"ALL RIGHT!"

"I still can't fathom why they insist on doing that."

"Neither can I."

"Onee-chan!"

"…"

"…onee-chan?"

"Sorry, Kisa…Tohru's fainted because she saw Shiggy and Aaya doing their 'All right' thing that they always do."

"Oh, pretending that they're gay?"

"Yeah. You really shouldn't be exposed to that stuff, you know…"

"Don't worry. Incest is the family motto, after all."

"I didn't ask your opinion, Haru."

"Sorry."

"So where's everyone else?"

"Oh, we locked them in my closet and threw in a couple porno novels for extra measure."

"Not that they can read them in the dark."

"…"

"KYO-KUUUUN!"

"Gaah! Kagura! Why aren't you in the closet with the rest of them?"

"But I am in the closet! With you!"

"Get OFF of me!"

"But…but…(teary eyed)"

"Screw you, Kagura!"

"Gasp! Kyo, how could you be so cold! You should be ashamed of yourself! This is just like a soap opera!"

"(muttering)Sneaky underhanded SOB…"

"I heard that."

"Then take it to heart, damn rat!"

"Uh, wasn't that supposed to be directed at me?"

"You too, stupid dumbass dog."

"I'm a German gentleman!"

"Who invited you to this party, Momiji!"

"The closet in Shiggy's room sucked me up and sent me here. Eddies in the space time continuum."

"I…I see…"

"No, you don't! It's dark!"

"…"

"Now is not the time, Momiji."

"Momo! You came back for me!"

"Well, Megumi's here too."

"Hi."

"Hey."

"…Y'know, we're still standing here waiting for some immense plot twist to happen…"

SMOOSH.

"Me-Megumi! Our precious collection of Mogeta manga! It's all been…"

"SMOOOSHED!"

"…"

"We must go salvage what we can!"

(sound of retreating footsteps)

"How big is this closet, anyway?"

"…it's supposed to be walk-in, but they made it drive-in instead."

"So it takes up most of the house?"

"Yep."

(cut to scene of Hannah Montana's closet, full of sparkly things and about as big as my room)

"Wow."

"Well, that's what it sometimes looks like. Eddies in the space-time continuum, you know."

"Riiight. You're just saying that to pretend you know what that means."

"Damn."

"Gasp! I just made you drool!"

"…Thanks for shouting that out to the entire world."

"And your fly's undone, too!"

"(grumble) Stop."

"Fine."

"…"

"I want to eat, eat, eat, apples and banneenees…"

"Shut up."

"Fine."

"…"

"BOW DOWN TO MY PWNING-NESS!"

"What!"

"Akito, do you even know what 'pwn' means?"

" …No…but it sounds like I know what I'm talking about when I say it…"

"Don't use big words you don't understand."

"Shiggy?"

"Yeah?"

"Y'know that box of dog biscuits under the sink?"

"My secret stash?"

"Yeah, those. Well, Yuki was sleepwalking, and he ate them all."

"(gasp) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Shiiiiiggyyyy…"

"Shut up! I'm still mourning over my lost dog biscuits!"

"I want my Daaaiiirrryyy Quueeeennnnn…"

"Akito, you know what you're doing?"

"What?"

"You're being very un-god-like. Not cool."

"WHO DARES DEFY MY NON-N00B-NESS!"

"Everyone."

"(gasp) It's a maaaaagical leoplurodon, Charlie!"

"Maaagicall!"

"Why does Hatori let you runts on his computer?"

"He likes to watch Youtube. Especially the stuff about cats."

"…there are cats on Youtube?"

"Yeah, Kyo. I thought I told you about the one with the cat tackling some baby…"

"Show me. Now."

"Uh…"

"Why, by all means, show dearest Kyonkitchi the videos! He will cackle with joy and writhe in hysterics after you present that absolutely HILARIOUS cat video! Perhaps he will even transform into a cat and perform some of the more scintillating tricks for you! My, my…only three people in this world would go to such lengths to please their younger cousins, and first among them is, of course, me, Ayame! Do not hesitate to bring Haa-san's laptop forth! Hurry, dearest cousins! Hurry!"

"…"

"That was also illegal."

"You know what I want?"

"No, and we don't want to."

"I WANT MY MTV!"

"(collective death glare)"

"…I get the point."

"…"

"I'mmm booreeeeeed…."

"Shut the hell up, Akito."

"I would if I knew how to speak gangsta-like!"

"…(sweatdrop)"

"See? I can say y3770w…"

"That was totally unrelated to the subject at hand. Where's Hatori?"

"He's in the other closet."

"And Kazuma's being molested by Hanajima."

"…WHAT!"

"Joking, joking. They're reviewing their wedding vows."

"_**WHAAT!"**_

"Hoo hoo! This's fun. Don't worry, Kyon-Kyon, they're not doing anything."

"(relieved sigh)"

"Nancy Drew!"

"Kakeru?"

"Yeah, Yun-Yun?"

"How the hell did you get in this closet?"

"I teleportated myself."

"That's not a word."

"NOT CARING…ahem, so I just randomly ended up standing on Tohru's face."

"She's still passed out?"

"Yes, mainly because I just stood on her face. That would hurt."

"…"

-------

**And so the fourth Closet Chapter comes to an end. **

**!eleven!11!1!11!1!**

**I love doing that. **

**There actually _is_ a Youtube video in which this evil cat tackleglomps an innocent bystander. I laughed hysterically until my mom told me to get off the computer. Then I was angsty for the rest of the day.**

**Which reminds me…This chapter barely even includes any angsty characters! Wow! Exclamation point! (which is a good band) **

**Reviewers will be given Spring Break t-shirts, Edward Cullen plushies, sushi, edamame, and other yummy items of yumminess.**

**Flamers will be eaten by the Giant Flamer Eater. Never heard of 'im? Well, he's scary.**

�


	19. Penultimate

Furuba Insaneness

**Furuba Insaneness. **

**Yes, it's true…a new chapter.**

**I'm so sorry that I haven't updated this in…forever… but I think it's time for Furuba Insaneness to end. I know it's sad. But honestly, it's time for it to end…there's only so much insaneness that you can put Shigure and Kyo through before they begin to crack, and there's only so many times you can make Kisa run around screaming names of various pairings.**

**However, this isn't the last chapter. It is the penultimate, so don't fret. I'll have to update after this.**

--

Kyo: …So…

Yuki: So what?

Kyo: We've been released from the infernal Closet, we've just been informed that our drabbly time is going to end…

Yuki: And?

Kyo: I want some Bubbiliscious.

Yuki:…(sweatdrop)

Tohru: Oh, Kyo! I will get some gum for you! Yay! I love to get gum for people!

(collective silence)

Kisa: Why, yes, Tohru! We will get some delicious gum for Kyo! How exciting!

Hiro: Y'know, Kisa, that's kinda scary.

Kisa: What is, Hiro?

Hiro: The strangely stilted and oddly formal way you're talking.

Ayame: (smashes Tohru and Kisa into the kitchen as he enters) LET'S HAVE A TEA PARTY, KAY?!

Yuki: …Why are you here?

Ayame: I got the memo. It smelled faintly of peanut butter, so I just had to come and scream out the thoughts in the deepest corners of my heart. You should feel amazed that I have taken so much forethought into my actions, dear brother! For there are only three other people in this universe who care so deeply for their younger brothers that they would have a tea party with them, of course with their own specially brewed brand of delicious chai tea! Have no fear, for I, Ayame, am here.

Kyo: Would you just shut the bloody hell up?

Haru: Hi.

Yuki: Bye.

Momiji: (pops out of Ayame's umbrella) DARE!

Kyo: WTF?

Momiji: It's the name of an old song by the Gorillaz! HOW AWESOME?!

Kyo: Weinershnitzel, dummkopf.

Momiji:…Dobe.

Kagura: I'm GOING TO RAPE YOU, KYOOOOO!!

Kyo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Hatori: Now, now, Kagura. Keep your "urges" to a minimum.

Haru: So what's up, Yuki?

Yuki:…Is Kyo PMS-ing?

Haru: Pissy Man Syndrome?

Yuki: That's the one.

Haru: Yeah, by the looks of it.

Ritsu: Biscuit.

Everyone else: SHUT UP.

Ritsu: (cries)

L: Hello, there.

(silence)

L: What? I wasn't being rude or anything…

Rin: …You're kawaii.

L: …Thank…You?

Rin: (hugs)

L: You're a horse.

Rin: Yup.

L: Kool.

Haru: NO WAIIIII!! RIN! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED MEEEEEE!!

Rin: You're smelly.

Haru: (has mental breakdown, and begins sobbing hysterically at Yuki's feet, totally unaware that he's currently trying to eat some ramen on his head.)

Hanajima: You there. L.

L: Hm?

Hanajima: What are you doing on that horsey?

Rin: Don't be calling me a horsey, biatch!

Hana: WHAT did you just call me, honey?

Rin: You heard me, hoe.

Hana: …SAKUJOOOOO!! (attacks)

Uo: Shweet. A fight. Gangstaness…

Kyo: Yeah…Sweet.

-WE INTERRUPT THIS FANFICTION FOR A CLOSET CHAPTER. THANK YOU.-

"What the hell?!"

"Why are we suddenly in the closet?!"

"…The authoress has used her awesome powers to teleport us into the closet."

"Thank you, Hatori, but it was kinda _obvious_…"

"Haru?"

"aakdhfalhgao…"

"Well, Haru's still in hysterics, so that probably means that Rin's somewhere off eloping with that weird L dude."

"…Closet."

"Yes, Tohru. Closet."

"Hiro?"

"What?"

"Make me a quilt with your awesome knitting skillage."

"…Don't mention that to my friends, they'll all want one. What color?"

"Puke brown."

"Awesome."

"…"

"This is rapidly getting stupider and stupider…"

"OW!"

"Akito?!"

"Yeah, biatch! You stepped on my boobs!"

"…You have boobs?"

"Why, yes I do."

"…Man-boobs?!"

"NO, WOMAN BOOBS."

"Why are we suddenly having a conversation about boobs and their various genders?"

"Why not?"

"…"

"Good question, Yuki, but that is for another day."

"I'm tired. Anyone want to fight me in gangsta martial-arts style?"

"No."

"REGGAE!"

"…"

-And now paragraphyness!-

Kyo looked up at the ceiling. "What the hell?!" he angrily yelled- after all, it was the second time that day that the Mighty Authoress had uprooted him from his former location and deposited him somewhere else.

He looked down and found a babbling Haru on his lap. "Oh, so Haru's still crazy," he muttered to himself, looking out the window and seeing a strange-looking detective-L- on top of a black horse running away from Hanajima, who was holding a meat cleaver.

Yuki walked in, and Kyo immediately pinned him to the wall and began making out with him.

This seemed to snap Haru out of his daze, so he went over and joined the yaoi-fest.

--

Meanwhile, Shigure was busy explaining the finer points of bocce ball to Ayame, who was texting Mine under the table. Hiro was playing with his toes. And Kisa was winning a race against Hatori over who could brush their teeth the fastest.

Tohru was making lunch, like she always is, because she's the Sohma's womanservant.

Kyo, Haru, and Yuki were still making out. Kagura and Uo were taping the proceedings to put on Youtube.

Hatori suddenly procured a boombox and put on some very loud techno music, like Sandstorm, to which he began to dance maniacally. Kana did the Mashed Potatoes as Momiji began to shake his butt wildly, which distracted Yuki for a second before going back to throttling Haru's tonsils.

Rin was still a horse.

Akito launched a paratroop attack of Ritsu and his mom, which epically failed and ended up squishing Tohru, Kyo cried for about three seconds, Shigure started watching hentai, and Ayame began bragging about Mine and her hair.

Momiji joined a roving band of Chippendale dancers, sold Momo to a gypsy troupe, and made out with Tohru for three seconds before realizing that he didn't really like her that much, and wanted to go out with Uo instead.

Somewhere in Tokyo, Matt sneezed.

Suddenly chocolate bars began to fall from the clouds, everyone got tired, took a bath in the same tub and went to bed early (except for the threesome, they were too…busy.)

Shigure suddenly got hungry. "I'm hungry." he said, and went down to get some food. Of course, Tohru is always making lunch, so he had some awesome bento at three in the morning. Ren went over to the kitchen and started complaining at Shigure, who threw a pie at her face, effectively shutting her up.

Kureno began to do handsprings across the ceiling and randomly defying the law of gravity. Rin turned back into Rin, went to Haru, who had been kicked out of the Yaoi-fest, and began verbally molesting his personal bubble.

Yuki got an iTouch. Everyone was jealous, especially Kyo, so he threw it in the pool and cackled maniacally as Yuki bought another one.

Hiro said, "Bough."

Then Kira killed them all with the Death Note…except for Ritsu's mom.

Ho ho ho!!

-randomnessagain-

"Ahem. I, Ayame, solemnly swear that on the Furuba bible-y thingy I will never molest, torture, strangle, throw pinapples at, poke in a demented fashion, poke in a non-demented fashion, annoy to the point of insanity, drive batty, ogle, yodel, throw tomatoes at, recommend girls to, make costumes for, make underwear for, throw said underwear at, put said underwear on head of, tattle on, tackleglomp, or annoy in any other way my younger brother, Yuki Sohma."

"…"

"And you really expect me to sign this?!"

"…-sigh-"

--

**Yeah, there it is. Couldn't keep going with the script format…**

**Hugs and pocky to all readers and reviewers.**

**-blake**


End file.
